Jeepers Creepers Meepers

November Leaves

2005-11-14T11:41:00.000-05:00

Hey folks - look, it's my requisite monthly post! Just kidding. I'm interested in posting more, but lack the time. Seriously!

Reading

I've finally finished re-reading all six books of the Harry Potter series. There are some definite advantages to reading them back to back - you get a clearer picture of the story progression and detail continuity, for one. It makes the ending of the sixth book much more decipherable. Not that, for an English major, I'm very good at getting subtlety and layers in literature. One drawback is that now I've started using "mate" and "bogey" regularly. I'm excited for the fourth movie to debut in the states. It will be the second movie I go to in the theater since Jack's birth.

I haven't had much time for reading other things. Actually, I was really pushing my luck trying to read the HP stuff. It sort of eliminates time for things like showers and exercise. Lately, though, Jack has turned into a real little person, so I've been revisiting the Dr. Sears books, The Baby Book and The Discipline Book, to get a handle on some of the new challenges. However, none of these restrictions have stopped me from looking! I found a great book, Montrose, about a nationally famous garden about an hour and a half from my house in Carrboro. In addition to being a wonderfully written history of how the garden came to be what it is today, the book also has the most amazing botanical illustrations also done by a local artist. Sadly, I have made no progress on Will and Living History in about three months.

Baby Jack

Baby Jack

Speaking of the bubba man, things are not slowing down at all with this guy. He's mastered cross-crawling and doesn't even bother with the arm-over-arm army scoot anymore. He's pulling himself up on things and then letting go and standing unsupported for at least a count of three pretty much on a regular basis. He rarely biffs it, which means I can tidy up around him or do dishes while he plays without having to constantly spot him. I think I'm going to have to stop calling him Baby Jack, because he's virtually on the verge of officially qualifying as a toddler!

baby jack

Hallowe'en was a cold bugger this year. We took Jack out in this cute little fleece Spiderman outfit, and by the end of it (just walking around our miniscule neighborhood!), he was complaining bitterly about the temperature. Poor guy, mom has discovered the umbrella stroller, so he doesn't get held as often as he used to. Not that he wants to - he does what April calls "the luge" when he wants out of your lap.

baby jack

The World

I've really been ignoring goings on outside my own little life. I heard Iggy or Piggy or Scooter or whomever actually has the balls to start a fund for his legal defense. The guy assisted in outing a CIA undercover operative, and he has the gall to ask for money. I'd really love it if these folks could own their mistakes instead of pretending the issues don't exist.

The hurricane season if FINALLY over. The record number of storms this year really confirms for me that our continual over-use of carbon-based fuels could use a little more attention. I know car dealers in our area started really pushing their higher-mileage vehicles after gas prices shot up, but sooooo much more could be done! We're still burning coal here on the East Coast, for crap's sake!

Movies

As I've said, I'm totally stoked for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I think folks that haven't gotten into the series before now will be surprised with the maturity and adult themes that enter the scene at this point. I personally can't wait to see Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort.

Nothing but Notes

2005-10-19T22:29:00.000-04:00

We just got back from having dinner with my best friend before she and Gabe go back to the NW for three months. Since her hubby is military and out on deployment quite a lot, she heads out to her mom's to get some help with the little guy. Not that he's so little anymore - he has his own two wheel bike with training wheels. He's 18 months and is as big as our neighbor's three year old. Oi.

Jack has been all over things today. He went up the stairs three times on his own with a spotter and he's pulling himself up on everything in sight - and then letting go. I get no peace, I'm telling you. We have another doc's appointment next week to see how big he is and stuff. I'm betting 23 pounds or more. According to my left wrist, which hurts non-stop these days, he weighs more like 200 pounds. But we'll see. We've definitely developed a select group of favorite foods. If I offer him just about anything with vanilla yogurt, he goes for it. I've had a difficult time finding organic unsweetened yogurt, so I finally caved and got something I know I like. Our stupid store is the only one in the area that doesn't carry exactly what I want.

I'm not excited for April to leave, but at the same time it means that we all get to go home (or home as I see it) for Christmas. Joe is dieing to get a glimpse of the NW, and I get to stay for two whole weeks!! With my mom coming for Thanksgiving, this means that I won't have to spend either major holiday with my in-laws this year!! Yippee! I know, honey, that doesn't make you feel very good. But the truth is the truth, pal. I can't help but wonder what the idea of spending holidays with my family or at our house does for them.

Pickin' Up Slack

2005-10-18T21:43:00.000-04:00

As you may (or may not) have noticed, I'm messing about over there in the right hand column. Trying to update what I'm reading, what I thinking about, and just in general spiffing up. Not that people really visit a blog to see what the author is about in a general way, but I think I like the feeling that if people cared to get to know me a little better, all they would have to do is glance right and see what I'm paying attention to at the moment. For example, for a while there I was reading only non-fiction (I use that term very lightly and in the sense that the line between fiction and non-fiction is all about the publisher and nothing about the creativity behind the prose). I was getting very friendly with "foodie" books. At home, I was doing a lot of cooking and really anticipating getting my cookbooks back from the NW. Well, now I've done with that little phase. The cookbooks have been dusted off and new recipes are being tested. That creative vein has run elsewhere. But if you were a person to notice patterns, and you had noticed that one, you would have learned something important about me.

For the time being, I'm going to refrain from all the dust jackets and links, and just tell you that I'm rereading the entire Harry Potter series. Some nutty, under-socialized kid down the block (who is all of six) read them over the summer, along with most of the Nancy Drew books, and I thought, hey, I can do that too! It has been very fun to scope out the story from with a little more continuity. Rowling is really a fabulous writer, and though the Harry Potter stories are published by Scholastic and are intended for pre-adult audiences, I get great joy out of taking them in a second time. I'm shocked, actually, to find that they've gotten better after the second reading. But as they are "easy reading" I'm cruising through them at an alarming rate, meaning pictures on websites would be silly.

So that is my current agenda.

Oh yeah, and I'm knitting and crocheting all over the place. I'm thinking I need to get one of those little project bars that tracks my progress over in that right hand column.

Serenity Now!

2005-10-18T21:39:00.000-04:00

Let me just a say a couple words in favor of Joss Whedon's best thang yet...

Saw Serenity. Loved Serenity. Can't wait for more Serenity.

Nuff said.

Weeds Don't Grow That Fast

2005-10-18T20:57:00.000-04:00

This kid....

Jack's the Man!

must be taking growth serum.

Heya, Fun Friends and Wacko Nite Owls...

2005-10-16T00:03:00.000-04:00

I'm back. For the moment, anyway. Not sure how long this may last.

There are frequent thunderstorms around these parts, especially in the late summer and early fall. So when the power flickers or goes out, it really doesn't draw much attention. This afternoon, the power died and didn't come back. You can be that I noticed, as I was in the last five minutes of my all time favorite television show's eighth season finale. Drat! By the time we left for dinner with April, the power still hadn't come back in our neighborhood. Drat, and Phooey! As we pulled out onto the highway to get to our reservation, we were flagged by a state trooper past no less than SIX power company trucks and several emergency vehicles. Our last fleeting commentary was that we hoped the power would be back on by the time we arrived home later this evening.

Joe, being the little researching busy body that he is, found the source of the commotion while I was putting little Jack down for the night. As it turns out, some nitwit, no let me correct myself - awful jackass in a pick-up - barrelled across the highway (through a rather obvious stop sign), causing a car with a couple and their SEVEN CHILDREN to swerve, hit the power pole, and roll several times. Okay, let me correct myself again - the guy in the pick-up was some fuckwit who deserves to lose a limb and his license. I can't imagine the sheer panic in that couples' chest as they found themselves being thrown about inside their previously safe vehicle.

I don't recall being surrounded by such a lot of stupid, arrogant, self-righteous bastards until I moved to the bloody South. Proud of their ways, their racist flag, and their overall lack of true fellow feeling. This butt in a pick-up thought it would be rather NASCAR-ish to just go for it. Or he was drunk. Or on some load of pain killers. Or he'd just found out his girlfriend had slept with his brother/best friend/kid. Whatever the reason, I just pray that the family he nearly killed comes out alright. The FUCK, mang.

The Last Good-bye

2005-09-04T10:08:00.000-04:00

Hey folks, I'm only dropping in long enough to give a big ole sionara to everybody. I've discovered that blogging takes me away from things that I'd rather it didn't. This doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy talkin' with y'all. I most certainly did.

Wish you well.

Mel

2005-08-02T10:36:00.000-04:00

Now I remember why I miss being out West...

People with a sense of humor like mine.

Another One

2005-07-31T12:58:00.000-04:00

Finched.

Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince

Words cannot describe.

Opening the Floor For Debate

2005-07-28T13:55:00.000-04:00

Okay, I was going through withdrawls a little, so I had to come out quick and leave an open comment thread. But there's a catch, or rather a subject. Dave R sent me a link for an odd little baby toy, and I wanted to see what else we could all dig up. (Sorry, Dave, I already bagged the link)

Have at, folks.

Hawai'ian Sup'pa Man

2005-07-26T10:22:00.000-04:00

Hey folks, yet another CD I thought I'd pass along:

Iz

"Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World" has been on ER, Meet Joe Black, Finding Forrester, and 50 First Dates. We heard the whole album at Barnes & Noble last Sunday, and I think I have to get it. The melodic quality of Iz's Hawai'ian songs is captivating, and he's funny to boot. Too bad he croaked back in '97 or some such.

Just so's y'all know, I won't be posting for a while. I'm working on a couple things offline, but I'm really into my books right now and the baby is demanding a lof of attention while he learns to crawl. Plus, I'm going to Seattle for two weeks, and we have company all the weekends before I leave. So no tattoo posts, obviously, and probably very very little of anything else.

Take care, and I'll be back around Sept 1 in full force (I'm guessing).

Book Review: Comfort Me With Apples

2005-07-25T12:44:00.000-04:00

Comfort Me With Apples

I thought I was in for another comfortable read similar to Tender At The Bone, and while Comfort Me With Apples was a good book, it was rather different. First of all, the book essentially chronicles the author's affairs and the breakup of her marriage. There is also her subsequent marriage to one of the men she had an affair with, and then their failed adoption of a baby girl. Reichl's career as a restuarant critic seems like a quiet background to all this drama, and her relationship with her mother gets more tumultuous and dramatic as well. In some ways, this book really chronicles all the typical chapters of an adult life, but for some reason the constant tension was much more disquieting in the second volume.

Having said all that, I must admit that I still think I will read Sapphires and Garlic, because I'm interested to see what took her to New York and what it was like to have to don a disguise in order to get "regular" service at New York's top restuarants. Reichl's psychological perspective on the restuarant business is fascinating, and her recipes sound amazing. But first, I have a few other things on my list.

Tats on Tuesday: Don't Flash Me

2005-07-19T22:47:00.000-04:00

When I was hanging out at Slave, waiting for Brett to get off work or Rion to have a free moment to grab a smoke, I would stand and flip through the flash art. They had their share of plump demonesses in nurse outfits, koi, flippy little dolphins, kanji, suns, moons, etc, etc. This is the stuff that people with no experience look through to get ideas. I'm one of those - that tat on the back of my neck is combo of two different pieces of flash I saw in a book when Missy and I went to this dinky little hole in the wall in the University District right after we moved to Seattle. I would flip the over-sized pages and stare blankly, having already perused it about a dozen times already.

With all of that time at the shop behind me, I have two perspectives I'd like to share. One is that there is, and always has been, a traditional way with tattoo art. Specific symbols and patterns have had meaning in aboriginal cultures throughout the South Pacific. That carried over when sailors began bringing the tradition back to the states. Now, things like koi, or swallows, or stars, or numerous other typified images have a history of meaning and reference in the "tattoo world", and so of course it shows up in flash.

The other thought that I'd like to share is that I still think flash is really lame. For many people, flash is all there will ever be in the tattoo realm. Like a certain step-daughter's mother, who has seven small tats, probably all flash. It takes no creativity to pick out a design, and who knows how many other people have EXACTLY the same thing. Yeah, the first one is probably gonna be flash no matter who you are. Unless you've waited a long time to get one. I'm at a point now where I want larger pieces that are a deeper reflection of my personality and identity. I want pieces done by successful artists who happen to be find themselves best expressed through tattoo. I don't want something that any old person off the street could have.

If I could have a coherent conclusion, it would be this: the reasons to get a tattoo are varied and dependent entirely on the individual getting them. Flash or not, it should be a thing of beauty in the eye of the beholder. There are merits to original ideas, and there are merits to being a part of tradition. Whatever the reason, choose wisely and carefully, and never regret the choice.

Rock 'n' Roll

2005-07-17T20:14:00.000-04:00

Imagine Sinatra covering Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit". Or Harry Conick, Jr. doing "Eye's Without A Face" by Billy Idol. How about Dean Martin crooning "Eye Of The Tiger". Does anyone actually remember "Eye Of The Tiger" besides me?

Well, today we heard what amounts to exactly all of that. Paul Anka just released an album called "Rock Swings", and it's an entire cover album of big rock hits like those above, and others that seem just as improbable until you hear them. There we are in Barnes and Noble, and I hear the words to Oasis' "Wonderwall". Joe and I make eyecontact and we both laugh silently. I made him go find out what was playing because I absolutely have to have it. I picture it playing when we have friends from Seattle over for dinner or down for the weekend.

Now go check out the rest of the line-up.

Double Back

2005-07-17T09:54:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I was not having a good day, so when I left the house to run errands, I was ready to pick fights with people. I got my first opportunity at Wal-mart. Big surprise. I had to take back an outfit that I'd bought for the baby. The tag said 18 months, and it looked right on the hanger, along with another one of the same brand but different color. I'd taken them home and washed them like I always do, and viola, out comes the darker one looking like it might fit my dog (the baby was bigger than the dog when he was born, for crap's sake). So there I am with my receipt and the outfit in a bag, for ten friggin' minutes because the cue was six people long. Finally, it's my turn. The woman checks my receipt and is most of the way done with the return when I mention that I washed it. She stops mid-money-count and looks at me like my head just opened and instead of brains she's seeing a big-screen TV. Hey lady, WTF? She says they're not supposed to do returns on merchandise that's been washed. I posed an obvious question: how am I supposed to know if it will fit BEFORE it's washed? She says it doesn't matter, they can't do returns for washed merchandise because you never know if people wash things correctly. WHAT? Okay, this is absurd. Since she was pretty much finished anyway, she gave me my money back (it was four whole freakin' dollars). But to reinforce her point, she says that most places won't take back washed merchandise. So I'm thinkin', Fuck You, sweetheart.

Needless to say, I stuffed my money back in my wallet and stomped off. Not like I was in the mood to be gracious. But I'm there, and I need to pick up some things for my best friend, so I head into the store. The whole 10 feet, I'm swearing up and down to myself that this is the last, LAST, GODDAMN FUCKING LAST time I will ever spend money at this capitalist fucking whore house. And then I saw it.

A pallet, yes a whole effing pallet, of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, and for $15. I stopped dead in my tracks. I was planning to get it from Amazon or Powell's, for about $18 w/o shipping, and I was okay with that. (I bought the fifth book for nearly full price at Barnes & Noble on the day it came out, and I bought another copy for my kid, Michael). So I'm thinking this is WAY too good of a deal to pass up. But I've just sworn a blood oath and the life of my second-born child that I will never buy another thing at Wal-mart again. After I buy whatever it was I was going to buy for Missy. What was I there for again?

Standing there, basking in the glow of a WHOLE PALLET of the book I've been waiting on for about two years, I start to wonder if maybe it's too good to be true. I pick up a copy, and it feels real enough. I check to make sure there are words inside it. There are, and miracle of miracles, they aren't in Yiddish or some ancient African dialect. I hold my copy and look around, wondering if anyone noticed that I've got the definite look of someone about to make a purchase, and not sixty seconds ago I looked like I might be packing TNT under my jacket. Nobody is eyeing me strangely, nobody seems to care that I have a gigantic kid's book in my hand. So what the heck. I'm through the check-out line in a matter of moments.

Now what's the moral of this little story? For me, probably no blood oaths. And I should probably have something to eat before I leave the house.

Rhodester Wanted to Know

2005-07-15T21:38:00.000-04:00

This is us.

11/19/03

That's us on "our couch" at April & George in Raleigh.

2/29/04

This is the one time we've made it back to the NW to visit, and that's my best friend's mom's cabin behind us. Oh how I miss that place. Can you believe all facial hair on my lumberjack-lookin' hubby!

9/5/04

Wedding vows. Yes, I'm pregnant in the picture. Six months, or thereabouts. Do the math.

12/31/04

Really, REALLY pregnant. Can you see I wasn't all that happy about having a baby riding my knees?

2/12/05

Daddy and baby. Ohhhhh.

3/26/05

Mommy and baby. Still fat (at least Jack has an excuse).

Many Fine Points

2005-07-15T10:38:00.000-04:00

But one in particular I'd like to share:

"I envy them the desire to want to become a writer. Wanting to become a writer must be so much easier than wanting to write."

-from Alembic, July 13, '05.

I think this is a very important distinction many of us don't bother making. I, for one, know that I will probably never be a successful writer, because I simply don't have the all-too-necessary compulsion to write creatively. Now, don't get my words all mixed up. I like to write, but mostly in a non-fictional fashion. I've always written, since I was a small child. I thought this meant I was going to be a writer someday. But when I went back to school for that English Degree, I learned that though I am very good at stringing words together, (and though I could and did get much better), I am really much better at literary criticism than literature. Alas, I'm not one of those people like Joe, or more famous folks like Virginia Woolf, to whom stories come full-fledged and ready to pen. I'd be perfectly happy to make a living teaching other people's work, writing articles on the side, doing book reviews, things of that nature. And maybe when I get older and much more mature, something that is literary and worthy of publishing will usher forth from the deep recesses of my brain.

A Life of Food

2005-07-14T16:56:00.000-04:00

I'm finished! Seconds, please.

Tender At The Bone

I hadn't realized it before, but I love reading about food. Under the Tuscan Sun only took me 24 hours to finish, and I savored every word. Though it has taken me a couple more days to finish, Tender At the Bone feels the same somehow.

Ruth Reichl is, among other things, an amazing storyteller. She begins her narrative by warning the reader that "Storytelling, in my family, was highly prized." Though she admits there might be some embroidery among the details, it doesn't make the book any less enjoyable. In fact, I think I prefer that method over the common disclaimer that names and such have been changed to protect the innocent. It does make you wonder if her life has really been as exciting as it sounds in the book, but that won't make you lose interest in it.

There are so many parts of the book I'd love to talk about, and I would if space and time weren't such a hot commodity right now. However, I really must mention that the over-arching theme of the book, Ruth's relationship with her mother, is portrayed honestly but not in a way that the rough parts detract from the narrative. To be glib, her mother was a bit of a nut. The way that Ruth juggles this instability with her own coming of age is truly amazing, and always involves her creative outlet, food.

This is the kind of book I recommend to others because while I was reading and when I was finished, I had this sort of energized buzz going on that only happens when a story really grabs me. I can't think of a single thing that detracts from the piece. However, I'm a real food-nut, so this book has special appeal. I think I'll plunge straight into the next one, Comfort Me With Apples.

Greens & Beans

2005-07-14T13:42:00.000-04:00

I have another recipe I'd like to share, though again the credit goes to the best friend for coming up with it. It makes quite a counterpoint to the mashed potato recipe, as it's a actually good for you in addition to tasting really freaking good.

1 bunch fresh kale
1 can white beans (Great Northern or Black Eyed Peas)
1 lb extra firm tofu (NOT silken)
1/3 c diced red onion
1/4 c mushroom soy sauce
1/4 c lemon juice
1/4 c olive or flax oil
garlic powder to taste

Chop the kale and mascerate in the dressing to reduce volume. Dice onion, drain and rinse the beans, and cube the tofu. Mix into the kale/dressing mixture. Serve.

The mushroom soy is fairly important, as it has quite a bit more flavor than regular soy sauce. It's darker, thicker and richer, and somewhat hard to find. Most asian grocery stores, especially those located in International Districts of large urban areas, should at least carry a "dark" soy sauce, which will work. I'd give you a brand name, but unfortunately the bottle is labelled almost entirely in a language I can't read.

The hub won't eat this because he claims the tofu has the same texture as make-up sponges. If you can't figure out when he tasted make-up sponges, I'll give you a medal, 'cause he won't tell me.

Tats on Tuesday: Oh The Memories

2005-07-12T13:20:00.000-04:00

Seattle has a plethora of fabulous tattoo shops. There's Anchor Tattoo in Ballard, which I'm familiar with only because my friend Dave (that taught me to play pool and let me work with him at the fishing tackle shop) favored it. There's also Apocalypse, where I think my friend Damon went before opening his own shop, Super Genius. Another great shop, Laughing Buddha has a fabulous piercing jewelry space as well.

The one I favored, however, was Slave To The Needle. The name is an obvious play on their location not far from the Space Needle, but is also an homage to the addictive nature of subjecting oneself to agony at the hand of a sadistic super-artist. Situated on a quiet little section of 65th, next door to The Tin Hat (a bar), across the street one way from Bambino (a coffee shop), and another way from The Reading Gaule (pronounced Redding Jail, also a bar), it was the perfect hang-out most times of day. Okay, weird that I hung out at a tattoo shop? Nope. The two piercers, Brett & Rion, were my buddies. Brett was also my roommate for a while, and then he was my next door neighbor. I spent weekends with Rion, his girlfriend & their kid, and with the aforementioned pool-genius Dave, his wife & their kid at the beach. We were a cozy little community.

None of the tattoo artists that I knew work there anymore. Damon started his own place, and took Jeff with him. The Chris' seem to have scattered. I met one of the new folks right before I left. Darcy, a gal from Idaho, seems to have a great eye for color and detail, and we were working on the design for my Phoenix before the bug to move caught me.

Aaron Bell, the owner, makes a tidy sum, and it shows. The shop has greatly improved in appearance since I first started hanging there. He also used to drive a very nice hot-rod, something along the lines of Monster Garage and Orange County Choppers. He tattoos very seldom anymore, and all his work is now freehand. That takes supreme talent. But with talent seems to come ego, because things always seem to be in a ruckus with the tattoo boys. I'm sure that's why all the folks I knew have subsequently quit. However, I think it's telling of Aaron's ability to pick good artists that most of the guys went on to start their own shops.

What, Me Worry?

2005-07-12T11:49:00.000-04:00

------

In other news, I just got the low-down on what exactly HRC said to compare Dubya to Alfred E. Neuman:

------

“I sometimes feel that Alfred E. Neuman is in charge in Washington,” Clinton said during the inaugural Aspen Ideas Festival, organized by the Aspen Institute, a non-partisan think tank.

The former first lady drew a laugh from the crowd when she described Bush’s attitude toward tough issues with Neuman’s catch phrase: “What, me worry?”

------

It doesn't take a genius to see that her comparison is really quite apt. Bush is proud of his no-worries attitude. It seems to be one of the ways he differentiates the issues he wants to address from the issues he'd rather not. As in the case of Social Security. He drives that issues into the ground, while adopting a devil-may-care flippancy about how badly things are going in Iraq.

Hat tip to Shake's Sister for the article.

Longing for Home

2005-07-12T11:41:00.000-04:00

Just visited the hub's site, found a link to this opinion piece regarding Valerie Plame/Karl Rove debacle. Now I didn't read the entire thing, but if this reporter has checked half of his facts, then some sort of action should be taken to discipline Rove, shouldn't it? I know there are plenty of conservative readers out there who might be shaking their heads in disagreement. But what I would like is some kind of perspective from their side. I mean, what is going on up there in DC, for crap's sake!

Dreams

2005-07-12T08:00:00.000-04:00

I just woke up from a dream in which Disney was firing all its Tennessee employees.

Huh?

I'm Collecting Daves.

2005-07-11T10:49:00.000-04:00

okay, the guy is off to a spectacular start, even though he's only managed two posts.

Dave, (From the Mind of), thanks for your great commentary. You definitely make the list, my friend. Let me be among the first to welcome you to the neighborhood!

Abortion

2005-07-10T08:57:00.000-04:00

I get pretty inflamed about this issue. The preceding comments in the preceding post demonstrate just that. For clarity's sake, I want to post my ultimate position here, where it is much more visible, and isn't marred by chatter:

Nobody, man or woman, has the right to make any of my decisions for me. I do not advocate abortion as a form of birth control, only as an option when circumstances warrant. To criminalize abortion is to deny a woman freedom to make her own choices. It would be like banning Catholicism or Islam. It just isn't possible to dictate how others should believe or act. Nobody but the woman making the decision will pay the price in the end.

So, effectively, keep your moral judgments to yourself, please. Don't bother getting all high and mighty about "killing babies" and the like. Take a couple biology courses, get educated, and then we'll talk.

Hillary

2005-07-08T11:36:00.000-04:00

It seems to me where ever I look these days, there is someone bashing Hillary Rodham Clinton. I could surmise on all the reasons I think this may be, but it would be a waste of time in my opinion because the people who despise her don't really care why or that their opinions might be colored by hate rather than reason. I'm posting because I want to put my own positive energy out there in support of her.

I've continued to read her memoir when the mood suits. It is a very thick tome, though not as large as My Life by Bill Clinton. In it, she talks a lot about the people she met, and how her visits overseas colored her perspective. Her writing comes across as honest, mostly non-judgemental, and compassionate. She has considerable empathy for everyone from soldiers, to Holocaust victims, to starving orphans, to her fellow citizens. She reveals her intelligence and education without condescending or talking down to her reader. She and I share many of the same positions on birth control and women's rights, two things I think are inseperable and thus when you come down against the first, you are essentially devaluing the second. We also feel similarly about health care, poverty, and the United States' global responsibilities. We differ on things as well. But at no point do I feel like I'm reading a book written by someone who doesn't care or who is a monstrous pawn of large corporations. I believe an open economy benefits us all, but I don't believe the rich have the right to get richer off the little guy.

Hillary has received more than her share of really crappy media coverage. The Right has campaigned to twist her words and make her seem a deplorable, inhuman witch out to castrate all men. The purpose of a recent volume in this vein, The Truth About Hillary, acuses her of lesbianism, which in my opinion is fairly childish and common reaction to a woman of strength and values who does not hide behind a man to get the job done. She's stood up for herself, and this has gained her the scorn of this country's fear-based mysogynist population. Too bad for them. I for one would support her all the way to the White House, because I think she would be an effective and beneficial leader.

It would help us all to remember that her job as a governor's wife, a president's wife, and now as a Senator, has never been an easy one. It has been a road many of us would not be able to walk with nearly so much strength or conviction. I'm glad someone over her caliber is willing to try, especially in the face of so much vitriol and hate.

Super Baby Food - shelved

2005-07-07T16:59:00.000-04:00

Well, not exactly. But I'm not going to bother finishing it.

Super Baby Food

The author, while meaning well, turns out to be a bit of a paranoid tyrant. And she can't write to save her life, so there is only one redeeming quality about this money pit of a book: it makes a great reference for what to feed the baby when, and how to cook it. So it promptly went into the cupboard that holds the baby's rice cereal, bibs and dishes. I've learned more by watching my best friend's mistakes and successes than I could from wading through this impossibly-formatted stinko book. The author acutally said not to breastfeed at night after the baby has teeth for fear that it will encourage rot. She obviously hasn't done her research. I have to say that would be impossible in our case because Jack had teeth at four months, and breastmilk is still his only source of nutrition. Whatever, lady.

Dreams From My Father

Atonement

Comfort Me With Apples

On the upside, I was at Border's again today and picked up another set of 3 for 2. I've decided it's the only way to get your money's worth if you aren't going to order from Amazon, so you're limited to the sale bits. But I found things I'm excited about!

Cadillac Desert

The Gallifrey Chronicles

The Discipline Book

Speaking of Amazon.com, I ordered from them this week as well. The Dr. Who thingy is for Joe, and Cadillac Desert has been on my wish list for over two years so I finally ponied up for it. I thought I would get a head start on positive guidance and development with Jack, as Gabe is already going through the hitting phase. BTW, that is totally not what the book looks like anymore. (And yes, I'm totally aware of how big a hippo-critter I am for ordering from Amazon and propagandizing Powell's).

Mashers

2005-07-05T19:50:00.000-04:00

You know that box of Potato Buds in your pantry? Well, do yourself a major favor and throw them out. Right now. Get up, go on.

That's better. Now, here's what you do the next time you feel like some serious comfort food:

Steam (don't bother boiling, you just lose all the nutrients) three peeled and sliced russet potatoes. It's important that you use russets, as yukons and other waxy varietals just turn gluey. If you're of a mind, add three peeled garlic cloves to the steamer basket as well. While those things are cooking, measure out 3/4 to 1 cup mayo into a bowl. Yes, mayonaise. Make sure it's a kind you enjoy the flavor of, otherwise your mashed spuds won't have much appeal. Also, add 1/2 a stick of butter, 1/2 a cup of grated parmesan (or romano, or piave, or the like), and some salt and pepper. It is very important that the parm did not come out of a can or smell like stinky feet. Get the fresh stuff, it's way worth it. So, when the taters are done steaming, put them in the bowl with the mayo and mash with whatever implement seems most handy. I don't usually use a hand mixer, because I like lumps. If things are still a little dry, add a little milk and maybe more mayo. If you decided to forgo the fresh garlic, make sure you add some garlic powder to the mix.

I've served this dish alongside plain ole mashed potatoes at several large family holidays, and they're always the first to go. This makes my mother crazy, because she and my brother perfer plain. But I promise you that the mayo makes it all worth while. My best friend came up with this recipe while we were in high school, and it's gone through many variations. At one point, I used butter, ranch or zesty italian dressing, mayo and various spices. My ex-husband spent his first thanksgiving without me trying to make them, but added fresh garlic instead of steamed, and it was a disaster. So these potatoes go way back, and they've never lost their popularity. I think it's time you give them a try.

Tats on Tuesday: Tattoo Devil in Raleigh

2005-07-05T11:42:00.000-04:00

In honor of my first Tat-Tuesday post, I’m featuring a local shop that, if I had the dough and weren’t suckling the babe, I’d be attending regularly to get all inked up.

My experience with these folks is purely anecdotal. When I moved to the Raleigh area, I immediately looked for a shop because I was still trying to get some work done on a Phoenix design for my right calf. I went in to several shops, but mostly found a bunch of muscle-bound testosterone-high tools. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being buddies with a tool, if you’re looking to get into a fight. But we’re talking precision work and art here! So I lay low, knowing eventually I’d find what I wanted.

Meanwhile, I was working at April & George as a bookkeeper and bartender. Because April & George is a gallery in addition to being a wine bar, I was able to meet lots of cool local artists, many of whom were well-tatted. Several that I spoke to recommended Tattoo Devil on Hillsboro. They’re popular with the artsy crowd around here because they’re a gallery as well, though they don’t have a piercer.

After my nephew, Gabe, was born, his father wanted to get his footprints tatted on his back. Gabe’s father had never ventured into a tattoo shop before, so he wanted recommendations. His original intent was to go to one he’d seen on his drive to work, but my best friend (his wife) and I both made him swear that idea off – too much risk of disease and bad ink work! There are funky little start-ups all over the place down here, but experience is pretty conclusive about going to a highly endorsed shop if you want the goods. So he went, even though the name of the place bothered his Christian ethic, and wound up liking the artist so well that he went back a week later and had his wife’s name tattooed on his chest.

I’ve checked out their shop and their site, and they seem to be the primo deal. They even have a female artist, which is rather uncommon as tattooing has traditionally been a male-dominated industry (see tool comments above). Their visiting artist, Marco Sullivan, has some great color work examples on the site. I’d say swing by and check these guys out, but I doubt many of you will be in the area and in the market for a new tat at the same time. All the same, they’re worth it if you are!

A Slender Thread: Rediscovering Hope At The Heart of Crisis

2005-07-05T11:05:00.000-04:00

I've managed to finally finish a book!

A Slender Thread

There is nothing more satisfying for me than coming to the end of a book and finding that I enjoyed all its parts. A Slender Thread: Rediscovering Hope At The Heart of Crisis by Diane Ackerman was not just enjoyable, but enlightening, inspiring and comforting. The book focuses primarily on Ackerman’s work as a volunteer counselor on a Suicide Prevention Hotline as well as a study she was doing on gray squirrels. The two don’t really sound connected, but in Ackerman’s trademark dualist perspective as both a naturalist and a profoundly observant writer, they become an intertwined tale of struggle and survival.

I found the book on my best friend’s bookshelf about a year ago, and put it in the pile of things I felt I should read because it was by the same author as A Natural History of The Senses, a book I found both informative and compelling. I didn’t get around to it until now because books had lost some of their appeal after my latest college burnout. However, it was a good thing this book came to my attention now instead of earlier, because I don’t think it would have resonated so well otherwise.

I’ve gone through various crises in over the short span of my adulthood – divorce, alcoholism, family troubles – though I’m no exceptional case. However, my biggest challenge has always been depression. My life seems to go in these swinging arcs from okay to not okay and then back again, without much control on my part. For a long time, I thought there was something really wrong with me and that eventually I’d wind up crazy and committed. Over time, I learned to deal with the low periods, riding them like a small sea craft in a storm, and I’ve always come out okay and better in touch with myself. I learned that sometimes, crazy is actually completely normal.

A Slender Thread is very much about how we as a species handle those low points. Through the lens of a naturalist, Ackerman explores how emotions like panic, fear, anxiety and loneliness helped to keep us from harm when our main purpose was to reproduce, and how that very same pantheon of negativity feels a little outdated in our modern context. For instance, we no longer need to worry that we’ll starve to death if we spend a winter alone, but that doesn’t stop us from seeking out company (good or bad) to stave off that hollow emptiness. Coping tools, the normalization of mental illness and a creative outlook really make this book worth perusing for anyone who feels they could use a few more insights into the human condition.

Personally, I could think of several people close to me who are in a place to read this book. This isn’t to say I have a lot of crazy friends, though I do. I am like everyone else: I know people who’ve killed themselves, I know people who’ve been in major accidents and found themselves stricken by both the trauma and helplessness, I know people who’ve suffered major abuse and only now are coming around to see that they don’t have to anymore. Ackerman’s honesty and acceptance make A Slender Thread required reading, as far as I’m concerned. Her beautifully flowing prose and creative metaphor are added bonuses!

As usual, I don’t think I did the reviewee justice. There were so many aha! moments, as well as moments of connection that deepened my understanding and compassion for myself and others that it feels impossible to convey how beautiful the book was from an overall perspective. I have learned from college experience that it takes about six months for a new text to really sink in, and then I’m capable of discussion in a more comprehensive fashion. However, I hope some of you will give it a try, and tell me what you think.

Drive-By Posting

2005-07-04T23:17:00.000-04:00

I'm still searching for others out there like me who post a mixture of the personal and observational (but not too much political) on their blogs, and hopefully that will include a few women. I'm not having a huge amount of luck. But here's an interesting comparison I found along the way:

This war is like killing my next-door neighbor's family because a gang of thugs from the next town over set fire to my house.

This is referring to our situation with regards to Iraq, of course.

Book Love

2005-07-03T11:36:00.000-04:00

I’ve come to the conclusion that one sidebar is just not enough for the books I’m excited about, much less movies, TV shows or music that I’m currently enjoying. We went to Border’s yesterday, and like always I was overwhelmed at first. But after the baby fell asleep and I relaxed into perusing the shelves, I found so much I could bring home to read. I think maybe it is time to start chronicling the books I’m into more and memeing less.

Tender At The Bone

I heard Ruth Reichl on Fresh Air with Terri Gross a few months back, and she sounds like a woman who has lived a truly fascinating life. Of course, she was being interviewed for her latest book, Garlic and Sapphires: The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise. I was fascinated by her stories about creating whole new personas in order to continue working as an otherwise highly recognized food critic in New York City. I’d seen Tender At The Bone around before, felt compelled to check it out, but this was probably during a time when I was so focused on school work that I literally had no time for personal reading. I thought I would start at the beginning of her personal narrative and then try Comfort Me With Apples and Garlic and Sapphires if she turns out to be a good writer.

A Cook’s Tour

Joe and both really enjoy the Food Network, so much so that it was all we watched both times I was in labor with Jack. I vaguely remember seeing Anthony Bourdain doing something and thinking he was funny and interesting. Whenever we look at cookbooks and things at the book store, Bourdain is among the group of cooks we admire and would like to have in our home (in a cookbook sort of way). I picked this one off the table of “three for two” buys, thinking it might make a good third, though I wasn’t sure. I sat and held the sleeping baby and dove right in. It turns out the guy is a fascinating combo of gutsy, nuts, and food savvy. I think this one will make a very good read.

I’m A Stranger Here Myself

Bill Bryson has to be one of the funniest travel writers I’ve ever read. Okay, I’ll admit I haven’t read a large number of travel memoirs (only Gone Whaling that I can recall). However, I picked up A Walk In The Woods with the intention of getting better acquainted with the side of the country on which I currently reside, and found myself immersed in a totally hysterical account of two fat guys trying to hike 2200 miles in one summer eating only candy bars and pasta. So I’m a convert, and thankfully Bryson’s career has seen a plethora of successes.

I know that list over there is supposed to be what I’m currently reading, but it isn’t nearly comprehensive. There are always six or seven things I’m in the middle of, but may have put down for one reason or another (usually boredom or lack of understanding). I’m a bit stubborn when it comes to finishing things, so eventually I try to come back to works-in-progress in an effort to at least get my money’s worth. For instance I just finished:

Sense And NonSensibility by Lawrence Douglas and Alexander George was not terribly funny, which would explain why I’ve owned it for nearly a year and have only recently completed it. In fact, I was only saddened by reading it because it made me question my motivation to remove myself to the rather cushy world of academia. It was an accurate lampoon, I fear.

While at the bookstore, I also found other things (not in the cheap pile) that wanted to come home with me. For instance, Skipping Towards Gomorrah by Dan Savage found it’s way into my hands as I was sitting with the baby. I’ve read a memoir about adopting a baby with his partner called The Kid, and it was funny, poignant and insightful. Mostly, he’s someone I know from Seattle, as he writes (a column I can hardly bear to read) for The Stranger. I also noticed a book called Dreams From My Father by Barack Obama. Talk is cheap, but I hear tell of him being the future of politics in this country, and I’d like to get a feel for his voice and where he stands beforehand. The same goes for McCain, but I didn’t see anything by him that really compelled me.

I really could go on and on, but eventually, you’ll just stop paying attention. I will just add one more thing, though. I read an advanced reading copy of a book called So Many Books, So Little Time: A Year of Passionate Reading. The author, Sara Nelson, said that long ago she learned to put a book away when she tired of it and not look back. Someday, I too may learn this skill, but for now I’ll just keep letting things pile up in hopes that I get around to them sometime in the future. I’m accustomed to plowing through three novels or more a week after all. I was reflecting on my TV-watching the other day, (the whole OC discussion got my brain churning) and I decided that I could stop watching any TV and nearly one hundred percent of movies and not miss a thing. But if you told me I had to stop consuming books, I would probably throw a hissy and not talk to you for a very long time. A beloved professor of mine once commented that you used to be able to read everything that had ever been written in one lifetime before the advent of the printing press, but now that would be an impossible task. Somewhere in the deep, masochistic recesses of my brain an idea formed: what if I tried anyway?

Female Orgasm, Neural Pathways & Childbirth

2005-07-02T22:13:00.000-04:00

Okay, right off the bat I may have lost a few of you. That's okay, I'm still going to post because I believe a sex-positive (and not shy!) attitude is the healthiest way to go, even for some of us who feel a little squeamish about the subject.

I just read an amazing article in Wired about research being done with regard to how female orgasm happens in the brain. The point of the research is to begin figuring out a drug similar to Viagra in purpose, only for women. Now, I while I don't find the overall "orgasm in a bottle" idea very appealing – pharmacological solutions just don’t seem 100% wise to me – I am fascinated by one specific part of the article. Apparently, when women receive stimulation to the anterior vaginal wall, their pain threshold goes up 100%. That means on a scale of one to twenty, if you were a ten without stimulation, you’d manage a fifteen with stimulation. Pretty amazing, if you ask me.

I have always been fascinated by the idea that a woman could orgasm during childbirth. I’ve hear rumors of it happening, but it isn’t the sort of thing women talk a lot about. I understand this because childbirth would be a painful experience with or without an orgasm, and often is painful even when one’s spine has basically stopped sending messages to the brain due to an epidural. The article pointed out that new research proves that vaginal nerves send messages to the brain directly, in effect bypassing the spinal cord. I think it would be an interesting discussion and piece of research to talk to women who’ve experienced orgasm during delivery to find out how it affected their overall perception of the event. I’d be willing to put myself out there and claim that it would be a positive change to encourage women to be open to childbirth orgasm in order to help manage their pain. Of course, with vaginal birth, you can’t exactly prevent stimulation of vaginal nerves.

The other rumor I’ve heard is that obstetricians used to find ways to prevent or stop a woman having an orgasm during childbirth because it was unseemly or inappropriate. I think this article demonstrates a 180 degree change in attitude in the medical research community. The article didn’t address much other than the science of female orgasm, but in order for the research to happen and subsequent progress to be made, there have to be folks with doctorates as well as folks writing dissertations out there gathering information. Dissertations often turn into to published articles, and maybe even books, if the subject is worthy and the doctoral candidate becomes a tenure track professor. I definitely think this is a worthy subject, and I am a true believer in the value of solid information – the more of it we have, the more empowered we are to make positive choices.

After rereading my own thoughts, I can’t imagine I really lost anybody. I’m too clinical to be considered graphic, unless you truly live in the dark ages. Now let’s see if anyone has the guts to claim their reactions to these ideas.

July Quote

2005-07-01T21:19:00.000-04:00

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.
." - the British Prime Minister (played by Hugh Grant) in Love Actually

The O.C.

2005-07-01T19:20:00.000-04:00

Since I haven't lived with cable TV in over ten years, I'm way, way out of the loop. So I had no idea that "The O.C." was, well, I had no clue what it was. Here are some guesses that I find plausible:

The Obsessive-Compulsive: a sit-com about mildly crazy folks just tryin' to get by.
The Over-Compensator: a drama about a man doing what most men do extremely well.
The Oregon Coast: a documentary about small-town ways and high drama in Florence.
The Oily Chicken: a cooking show that demonstrates all the things you can cook with chicken as the main ingredient.
The Old Crook: a show about Bush Senior.
The Obtuse Chimp: a show about Bush Junior.

Anybody got any more?

Meme Things, or Part Deux

2005-07-01T15:14:00.000-04:00

5 snacks I enjoy… Jalapeno cheese puffs by Babara’s, clam dip, Balance Bar Gold Crunch, anything Ben n Jerry’s, cheese, chocolate & fruit (Joe, you know what I mean).

5 songs I know all the words to… “Ice Cream” by Sarah McLachlan – the version on Mirrorball, anything off 1200 Curfews from The Indigo Girls, “Fight For Your Right” off Licensed to Ill by the Beastie Boys, “Driving Me Mad” by Neil Finn from One All, “Little Road to Bethlehem” off of Shawn Colvin’s Holiday Songs and Lullabies

5 TV shows I watch… (I had to skip straight to this one because originally there was some crap about Reality TV shows, and I don’t think Reality TV deserves to be on, much less watched). Sopranos – the writing, ‘nuff said. Stargate SG-1, though we’ll see if it’s worth watching after Richard Dean Anderson is all but gone. Joey – I hated Friends, but this is actually a funny show, even if it is all about the sarcasm. Lost – what is in that damn hatch? As Time Goes By – I love Dame Judy Dench and English humor absolutely kills me. Honorable mention: Red Dwarf, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Firefly, Sports Night, Battlestar Galactica, and mostly anything with forensic science as the main plot.

5 things I would do with a hundred million dollars… make my husband write full-time, buy a small house with room to have animals and huge garden in the Willamette Valley, put money away for my kids’ college, pay off all our debt. And I would go back to school, permanently.

5 locations I would run away too… London; Vancouver, BC; Paris; India; Ireland.

5 things I like doing… reading, making jewelry, writing, wrestling with little kids, and spending quiet time with my boys.

5 thinks I won’t wear… thong underwear, muted lipstick, foofy dresses, pants you have to shave your pubes to wear, and anything that makes me itch.

5 movies I’ve watched recently… Hitch. Muppets Take Manhattan. Elmo In Grouchland. The Village. Star Wars RoS.

5 famous people I’d like to meet… The Indigo Girls, Bill Gates, Joss Whedon, Princess Diana (I know, don’t even say it), and Stephen Greenblatt.

5 of the biggest joys of the moment… Cuddling with my son & husband at the same time, wrestling with Gabe, peach and quiet, that everyone I love is safe, happy and healthy, and sneaking the last Klondike bar.

I won’t be tagging anyone anymore, but feel free to take it upon yourself and then link back here so I can see what craziness everyone is inspired to!

"Time" for a Meme

2005-07-01T10:19:00.000-04:00

As I’ve noted vehemently before, I’m not a big fan of memes. Lately, I’ve been finding myself changing my mind. I see folks doing them all over and they’re interesting, and usually funny, but best of all they don’t take as much creativity to generate a subject for blogging as is normally required. Right now, I think that fits the bill superbly.

10 years ago… I was 18, newly graduated from high school, working two jobs and living with my best friend and her mother. All my girlfriends went on vacation to Hawai’i after graduation, but I couldn’t go because I’d moved out of my parents’ house Junior year and they’d stopped supporting me after that. I couldn’t wait to get out of our tiny home town and begin my life.

5 years ago… I was newly single, living by myself, working two jobs (again!) and spending most of my free time drinking. Freshly divorced women are the most promiscuous folks on the planet, and I was doing my best to prove that cliché single-handedly. I was depressed, losing weight like it was going out of style, and my ex had the nerve to accuse me of doing heroin. He had been proving himself to be a total fuckwit day after day for almost three years, and even after our divorce I thought maybe I could still be friends with him. Can we say STUPID, anyone?

1 year ago… I was newly pregnant, engaged to Joe, and living with my best friend. Things happened so fast, and I still haven’t reflected much on it all. My sweet little nephew was brand new and I got to be his other mommy. We still share a special bond because I was there every day for the first three months of his life. Best friend and I were working on this hair-brained scheme to buy a house in our small rural development so that we could be close, but not too close. It actually worked!

Yesterday… We played in the kiddie pool out back with Best Friend, Gabe, and another gal and her child that we know through the military wives’ club. Then we all had dinner together when the boys came home from work, and another friend came by on her way to DC.

Today… I’ve been online, doing laundry, dishes and waiting for the termite guy to show up. It’s Friday, which means my (oh-my-god, I’m so-freaking-lucky-to-have-you) husband will be off for the weekend very soon. I’m going to go change a poopy diaper here in a sec, ‘cause Jack is squeaking at me about it from his playchair.

Tomorrow… It’s the weekend. That’s all that matters.

1 year from now… I want to be living back in the NW, preferably Portland. I want my husband to be working a job he doesn’t hate, I want to be looking at buying a house with my mom, and I want to be working or going to school at least part time.

5 years from now… I hope we’ve had a second kid. I want the age gap to be about four years, and I want the second child to not be as high-strung and needy as Jack. Don’t mistake me – I love my son with all my heart and soul. However, there are times that I just don’t think I’m being a good parent and that my son will need decades of therapy to correct all my mistakes, and that’s just for his infancy. I would also like to be in grad school, studying medieval literature and writing my dissertation about sci-fi and fantasy fiction. Hopefully, Joe will be doing more writing than computer work, and maybe he’ll even be working on a television show, writing scripts!

10 years from now… my babies will be in school, I will be finishing my doctorate and my husband will be selling screen-plays and things for a living. Maybe we’ll be living in London for a stint. I could be a grandmother by then if my stepdaughter goes that direction. Best Friend with be living in Hawai’i with her newly retired hubby and their two children. Things will be great.

Now, participate if you’d like. I’m not into tagging folks. Besides, I’ve altered this meme from the original, into two parts, which will be coming along shortly. Cheers!

Music That Grates

2005-07-01T08:35:00.000-04:00

I've always disliked Tom Petty. I think his singing voice is a bad imitation of Bob Dylan, and every time I hear it I feel compelled to sing along so I don't have to hear him. If you don't like it, don't listen, right? If only it were that easy.

Joe can't stand Counting Crows. He thinks the lead whines instead of sings. Whaaa, whaaa, whaaa, parking lot. Whaaa, whaaa, whaaa, American girls.

Best friend had a serious dislike for Soul Asylum when we were teenagers. She thought they sounded like a good band led by Elmer Fud. Runaway twain, neveh comin' ba-a-a-ack. Wong way on a one way twa-a-a-ack.

So what music really gets under your skin?

There Is Intelligent Life Out There!

2005-06-29T10:55:00.000-04:00

Good question:

What Would Shakespeare's Sister Do?

(Okay, yes this is a drive-by post that doesn't include much commentary. There isn't much I would say differently!)

A Backbone? Or Is It Just Backlash?

2005-06-27T11:56:00.000-04:00

I feel like I have whiplash from how far over the edge this whole tat things seems to have gone. I keep thinking I should just let it go, that it has become a pointless bone of contention provoking people to their worst behaviour. But Darrell and Wendy have both said that not backing down is just too important, and that somehow that means Darrell has a backbone. Well, here's my issue now:

Over the course of the discussion, who has or doesn't have what kind of tattoo has been used as a means of justification (by me, Darrell, and virtually everyone else) for whatever point of view is being espoused. What gets me about the "freak" controversy is that somewhere along the line, one crosses an invisible line and becomes one. A couple easily hideable tats, no biggie. Ronald McDonald across your chest, FREAK. Does this just happen overnight, like loading a new OS on your laptop? Yes, duh, there are folks that want to be looked at. But the word "horseshit" was used when I suggested that may not be the only perspective regarding highly tatted folks.

Second, I don't mind degenerative behaviour. Self-righteous defensiveness, I abhor. Name-calling, which seems to be going around like a bad case of lice, bugs me no end. But everyone is entitled to theirs. Self-righteousness, though. That just smells really bad and I could do without.

Oh, here, let's just say it: I'm pretty sick of this whole thing. I really don't get why it turned into such a big deal. My original intent was to pose a differing perspective and see if I could open anybody to a little contemplation. Apparently not. Darrell, freaks abound. But not where you think.

Penury

2005-06-24T18:53:00.000-04:00

être sur la paille = to be penniless

I found the above a little interesting, because it directly translates to mean "to be on the straw". I'm guessing here, but I would think it must come from when being broke meant you slept on a straw mattress instead of a feather one. Penniless just means to literally have no coin or gold. Oh those creative French.

In Defense of Tattoo

2005-06-24T18:45:00.000-04:00

(Okay, not that guy on TV!)

On Tuesday, Darrell posted a photo and critique of a young man who had chosen to cover himself in tattoos whose content was rather off the beaten path. Well, weird and a little unnerving, to be precise. In the ensuing commentary, Darrell states:

A lot of people get tattoed, pierced, dyed, augmented, boob-jobbed, etc, to make no statement more complex than this one: LOOK AT ME! NOW!!.

While I agree that there are some people with that very intention, I disagree with Darrell’s generalization and I take issue with his later commentary:

It's a phase that most people go through. It's called "childhood." A lot of us grow out of it. Some of us don't.

I’m writing with the purpose of arguing against the idea that tattooing’s primary benefit is to generate public interest and is a hallmark of immature personalities. There are many people out there whose feelings are similar to Darrell’s and this is for them. This is also for those wonderful guys that worked at Slave To The Needle in Seattle when I was a regular. We had some really great times, and though we’ve all scattered to the wind, I will forever remember them and their families with fondness because of what I learned and the good times had.

Tattooing has a very long and culturally significant history. According to the Wikipedia entry for tattoo, the practice can be dated back as far as 3300 BC, on the remains of a corpse dubbed “Otzi the Iceman”. Also noted in the entry is the fact that “tattooing has been a practice of almost every known people”. Notably, especially with regards to American puritanical sentiment toward the practice, Leviticus 19:28 prohibits heathen tattooing as a form of self-mutilation. It doesn’t say anything about the practice being juvenile or immature, though. Of course, immediately before that Leviticus 19:27 prohibits a man cutting his beard. The prevalence of tattooing, or tatau as it is traditionally known, is pervasive across all continents and for as long humanity has been “civilized”, which I believe gives it some credence as a valid form of human expression.

By now most, if not all, of us are familiar with ta moko, or the traditional form of tattoo practiced by the Maori tribe of New Zealand. If you’re not, here’s the rundown: primarly men, and to a smaller degree women, of the tribe are tattooed with designs concentrating around, though not limited to, the facial area. The male version covers the entire face with a combination of designs, and each component has a meaning and a name. The female version is on the lips and chin only. From the survey reading I've done, ta moko is fairly representative of the style and purpose of most tribal tattoo, be it Hawai'ian, Polynesian, North American Native, or any manner of others that range across the globe. According to a historical reference about tattoo by Steve Gilbert, “an elegantly tattooed face was a great source of pride to a warrior, for it made him fierce in battle and attractive to women”. Generally, being attractive to women and being a fierce warrior would be part of adulthood, for finding a mate and then protecting that mate and any progeny. These don’t sound like circumstances most adolescents undertake consciously. Interestingly,Library Journal's review on Amazon recommends Gilbert’s book, and says “While the text is not academic in tone, Gilbert supports his research with an extensive reference citation list and bibliography”. Sounds like this might be an interesting read with great pictures for anyone actually interested in learning about tattoo.

In our own country, tattooing isn’t legal on a person under 18 years of age, with the exception of a couple of states that allow it for minors 16 or older accompanied by a parent. Now, most of us weren’t all that mature at 18, so just about every decision we made had negative consequences and became an opportunity to learn. Though I didn’t run right out on my 18th birthday and get one, I did put down a little cash to get a tat on the back of my neck the week my best friend and I moved to Seattle. It is a combination of flash art, so it isn’t terribly original either. The pain was intense, but I was hooked. Since then, I’ve only bothered to allocate enough funds to get a second tattoo, but the plan is to get many more down the road. My second, a three-line triquetra about four inches on a side, is on my sternum just below my breasts. In the future, Joe and I would like to tattoo our children’s footprints on our forearms, and I really want to get the back of my right calf done in a phoenix holding a broadsword. I haven’t chosen to walk this path as a means of getting attention, but rather I enjoy the process and what each tattoo represents.

My own mothers are both opposed to the art of tattoo, though for different reasons. Actually, my mom-mom hasn’t shared her reason with me that I know of, but when I first started talking about getting a tat when I was twelve (I was a little fixated on being a grown-up) she told me I could count on her to kick me out of the house if I ever came home tattooed. It was the only thing she disapproved of so totally that I would no longer share a roof with her if I did it. Best friend’s mom, my other mother, comes from a very hippie perspective: she believes the human body is beautiful just the way it is, and hates to think of her babies getting themselves permanently drawn on. She also feels that make-up is unnecessary, to say nothing of plastic surgery, or my favorite, piercing. Their opposition really hasn’t stopped the rest of us: both my sibs and my father have tats, and my best friend and her husband have several. If Jack ever decides he wants something permanent, my only prohibition will be that he puts together enough money to get a really good one (that was my mistake with my first), and if he wants I’ll help him with finding an artist and payola.

Year of the Dragon

I can think of so much more that I want to say, but I’m finding it hard to fit into one little post. I don’t want to write a novel here, that would just bug everybody. I’m going to do the next best thing; I’m going to start a series and from now on Tuesday will be dedicated to the subject of tattoos. Tat-Tuesday too cheesy?

Directors as Actors

2005-06-24T12:59:00.000-04:00

After a recent discussion breakout on my blog, and a subsequent post on Kelly's blog, I thought I would check around and find out which of my favorite directors also show up as actors. Here's what I've found so far:

Tim Burton plays a bit part in Singles. I could tell you exactly how to get to the apartment building used to shoot the movie, but I couldn't tell you which part "Brian" was.

Okay, Joss Whedon isn't primarily a director, but I could swear that he showed up in an episode of Angel all dressed up as a demon singing a really cheesy song because nobody else on the cast wanted to sing it. Honey, am I remembering that wrong? And BTW, Joe, he wrote Titan A.E., so there.

Then there's Sam Raimi, who looks like he's a busy little bee. Who knew that back in '85 he showed up in a small part in Spys Like Us.

(....I'm not finding a lot of folks I really like showing up in their OWN stuff....harumph)

We all know Tarantino shows up all over the effing place, so I won't even bother with him.

As someone who can pretty much do whatever they want, you would think Steven Spielberg might show up a bit more often in front of the camera. However, he has a relatively short acting credit list, and some are actually uncredited. Like the bit he did in Gremlins, in a wheelchair. Okay, maybe most of the parts are really as an extra, but I love that he's in Blues Brothers.

Okay, I'm feeling the creative zeal draining right out of me. Can anybody else come up with some good ones? I'm sure you guys have a couple favorites here and there, non?

The Village

2005-06-22T09:11:00.000-04:00

Watching The Village wasn’t so much about seeing another one of Manoj Nelliyattu Shyamalan’s movies as it was about humoring my husband. When we first saw the trailer for the movie, I was very adamant about avoiding the movie, and so my sweet hubby didn’t get to see it in the theater. I’d seen Signs and just couldn’t stomach another quiet thriller. It didn’t matter that I’d loved The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable for their individual and combined positive attributes. Don’t misunderstand my perspective: I thought Signs was brilliant in its exploration of how coincidence works and the way the movie could be frightening and unnerving without getting really in your face with CG and gore. But I don’t watch movies to have a reaction, and I especially don’t watch movies to be afraid or disgusted. My imagination and society at large does well enough eliciting those emotions without help. Rather, I watch movies because I like what they tell me about people, about how society can work, about hope and about the potential each of us holds. That is where I think The Village succeeds beautifully, and is at least as good as the other three.

Unlike the previous three Shyamalan movies, The Village did not surprise me with its ending. It seemed a sensible and obvious conclusion, and many clues were laid along the way to point in that direction. What I did find rather apt was the metaphors built in to the isolated village and its occupants. First, the village as a simulacrum of The United States’ current position in world politics: we defend our borders with fear in our hearts and very little vision for the truth about what is out there. We are constantly afraid, but of a shadowy phantom we label terrorists. The way I see things, the source of our fears can be found at home, in our politics, social policy and foreign policy. Just as the monster was an act on the part of the elders to keep their children from wandering into the wider world, our own governmental machine attempts to blind us with anti-foreign sentiment. Where the metaphor breaks down is in the desire on the part of the village elders to protect their children from the violence and desolation they found in the care of a larger society. Hope, unfortunately, is written into the constitution but is not inspired by the current administration.

The other thing I really enjoyed was watching Ivy overcome her own fear and superstition in order to save someone she loved. Her blindness is a very Platonic convention akin to the shadows on the cave wall: she can hear what is going on around her, but she cannot really see. Her flight through the woods, though fraught with unseen danger and near-death experiences, in the end demonstrates that faith and trust are not misplaced, only misused. Watching her climb the wall of English ivy at the end, literally watching her climb over herself to get to her goal, was the moment that made the movie worth watching.

I will be awaiting M. Night Shyamalan’s next two movies, Lady in the Water and Life of Pi, with renew interest and zeal. I will probably make Joe test them for me, as I feel I cannot trust Shymalan not to make scary stuff that will keep me awake at night, but I will be willing to give them a try.

Uber-hypocrite

2005-06-21T19:45:00.000-04:00

Okay, doesn't it make little to no sense that Bush can blather on about a "culture of life" when one of his biggest legacies as the Governor of Texas was a liberally applied death penalty?

And how can he call it a "culture of life", anyway, when one of his main tenets actually repudiates one of the best places for life to blossom and grow? Yes, I am speaking of a loving partnership, and yes, I think it's entirely appropriate for ANYONE to be recognized in their partnerships no matter gender or sexual orientation. I'm pretty sure Jesus advocated love primarily, so Mr. Pres can't really back himself up there.

Maybe someone should remind our dear simian president that our very constitution guarantees the pursuit of happiness.

What's On the Agenda This Week

2005-06-21T13:38:00.000-04:00

Well, what shall we worry about this week?

- The house could use a good vacuuming. I hate doing it because I have to either put the baby in the pack and sometimes the noise is too much, or Joe has to entertain the baby long enough for me to get it done.

- I've been surfing around looking for some more blogs a little more along my wavelength. Found a few, must go back and see what crops up. No offense intended to those I'm already regular with, but I'm finding myself surrounded by folks not quite on my political or spiritual path.

- Watching The Village with the hubby. We've got about 15 minutes left, and I hope it has a good ending. Signs just about did me in, so this better work out okay (or hubby is going to pay dearly).

- The garage is making me crazy. Boxes everywhere of unpacked stuff from when we moved in, and hopefully soon we'll be moving out. Can't stand the clutter, but don't have the free time to sort it all. Rats. Well, not literally.

- There's a blog party coming up that I might actually be able to participate in. Film Geeks is keeping it simple, thankfully. See y'all in a week.

- Have to follow up on that etymology thing I found about text interpretations. Still haven't formulated my thoughts on that one, and nobody was inspired to respond to it's meaning.

- Still haven't seen any posts about The Merchant of Venice. Of course, we haven't watched it either. May have to considered bailing on the movie of the month thingy.

'At's all for now, folks.

Separation Non-anxiety

2005-06-21T13:23:00.000-04:00

I just got off the phone with my best bud. Poor gal had a bit of a run-in yesterday with a mutual acquaintance of ours that left her feeling a little cold. Seems this acquaintance, whom we shall call J-fer, was going on about how Best Friend needs to leave the baby Gabe with me more often and get out on her own, find a job, or something like that. Now, anyone who reads this blog knows how the general philosophy I've taken toward raising babies, or more specifically that I have no desire for Jack to be taken care of by anyone other than myself or my hubby until he's at least verbal. Anyway...Best Friend feels basically the same way, and has no financial motivation to get a job, and likes her life just fine. It seems J-fer has some issues with other people's choices. In choosing not to go into more detail, I know I'm depriving you of better insight into J-fer quirks and personality, but there really isn't time.

The long and the short of it is that real friends are hard to come by. Having someone listen to you, and really hear you, is so obvious that when it isn't happening with someone you feel you should be better acquainted with, it's like being off-balance. It's a rather Princess and the Pea reaction, I think. You go over and over something in your head, feeling bad and wondering where the feelings are coming from, and then, A HA!, you realize you've just gone away from an interaction that doesn't quite fit your previous picture of what that friendship was.

So poor Best Friend is questioning how best to spend her time with J-fer. She's encountering an issue I've been trying to deal with for years - how do you get the best parts of a friendship without letting it damage you, suck your energy, or waste your time. Now, I know that doesn't sound like the kind of friend you'd want watching your back. But we aren't talking about close friends or those dear people who become like family over time. No, we're talking about the everyday sort you meet at the pub after work for a beer, or go out for coffee and a walk around the lake. The kind of friends that, if you moved across the country or an ocean, wouldn't return your calls once you'd left. At least here in the blogosphere, you aren't obligated to comment or read a previously interesting blog.

Math Geeks Have An Exclusive Share of Nerd-dom?

2005-06-18T09:00:00.000-04:00

Okay, I did the quiz, but it's all about going to college and being a Math nerd. So I'm guessing the percentage of actual nerds according to this quiz is pretty slim. Still fun, though.

Tastes Like Chicken

2005-06-18T08:24:00.000-04:00

Yes, Mom, chicken. And if you try to take the duck away from me I'll splash you! It won't be pretty!

Tastes Like Chicken

Puzzle Me This:

2005-06-17T23:07:00.000-04:00

maxim difficilior lectio potior

Unearthly Lateness

2005-06-17T22:53:00.000-04:00

I thought of a couple more for the Blogparty roll:

Aeryn Sun from Farscape: Joe points out that one of my other picks isn't a "bad guy" at all. But I tell him neither is Aeryn. She's not very nice, but she certainly falls under the "formidable females" category.

Samantha Carter from SG-1: again, formidable. Smart, tough, and still manages to be nice and compassionate.

Ishta the Jaffa Amazon from SG-1: actually, Joe & I both thought of her. She kicks some serious male butt.

Lorna Cole of Lethal Weapon 3&4: I love the scene where Cole and Riggs are comparing scars. Right after she is showing him the ropes on internet research. Fabulous.

Okay, I think that's all for now.

Father's Day 2005

2005-06-17T22:22:00.000-04:00

With Father's Day right around the corner, I've been feeling compelled to review the state of my relationships with the various men in that approximate capacity. Please bear with me, this is the kind of getting-to-know-you post that has to happen every so often.

First off, there's my father. Well, let's see, can I think of anything nice to say? He's very smart. Okay, I think that's it. When I was little, my interactions with him consisted mainly of him criticizing me, smacking or spanking me when I didn't do EXACTLY what he told me to, and otherwise getting ignored. The man didn't have an easy childhood either, so he wasn't really up to speed on what it took to be a parent, much less a decent human bean. In 2003, he made some effort to apologize for his behavior so far as it extended to hurting my feelings by refusing to acknowledge me in positive ways. I thought maybe we were starting there and going to build up, but I was wrong. In actuality, it seems that my father has truly gone over the edge and his primary concern is now when (not if) the world as we know it will come to a crashing end, and (in his words) 90% of the human race will end up dead. And this guy is an atheist. So, I finally told him to bugger off when he refused to respect my wishes about being excluded from his psychotic episodes. While I think not communicating with is sad, and lack of communication has been our problem all along, I am relieved that I no longer feel obligated to entertain his crapola in the hope that someday things might improve.

Then there's F(ather)I(n)L(aw). Joe has finally expressed his desire that I stop talking smack about FIL all the time, so I am respecting his wishes. Here again, I feel a failure to communicate between myself and FIL is the heart of the issue. I haven't had much time to get to know him, and I think I scare the poor old coot, so this one could be slow going. But at least Joe likes him and has a positive relationship with him.

I should interject that an excerpt from Plan B has really helped me cut down on the mental horsepucky that was keeping me so up-in-arms about FIL: "This isn't the truth, it isn't trustworthy. This is for entertainment purposes only." Okay, maybe that isn't an EXACT quote, but you get the picture. I'm alone all day long with a non-verbal short person, so I get fairly occupied by conversations in my head that will never happen, but they serve to get me more wound up than I need to be. I think the point of that quote is really that it isn't important what your mind does as it is what your heart feels and which one of those you choose to live from.

Okay, then there's the grandfathers. My father's real dad took off when he was one. I spoke to him once when I was 19, and he sounded just like my dad. Some things are inherited, and I didn't want any part of that mess. Then there's Grandpa Jim, who I always liked. Sadly, he's in a home now because he's had two major heart attacks, a stroke and suffered massive brain damage from the surgery after the stroke. I've seen him once since then and he doesn't remember me. My mother's father is a very different story. He's very fit, and you can't make him sit still for more than fifteen minutes. He's always worn a long white beard, so Christmas was fun because he looked the part. He's kind, and soft-spoken, and likes to build things. The swing he built us grandkids on the side of my grandmother's shop was awesome. I remember his strawberry patch with fondness too, because it made him so happy.

And there's Joe. Sweet, beloved Joe. He has restored my faith in men after fifteen years of poor dating practices and awful boyfriends. I don't know that he should be flattered that I picked him, what with my track record. He is a kind and patient father, and a sweet and attentive husband. Another plus: he never takes me too seriously, especially when I'm hacked off at someone or him. It makes him laugh and he thinks it's cute. Joe is a man who moved three thousand miles to be close to his daughter. I think that says a lot about his willingness to try and fulfill his responsibilities to his offspring. Jack is lucky to have him, and so am I.

Today's Little Event

2005-06-17T22:08:00.000-04:00

We went to the pediatrician today for Jack's first DTaP shot. We're on that altered schedule I think I've mentioned before, which was formulated by a very good naturopathic doctor in Louisiana. Her book, What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Children's Vaccines, was terribly helpful in educating myself in the issues and in talking to my doctor about my concerns. At any rate, the appointment went very well, and the little stud didn't even cry. He flirted with the nurse every chance he got.

Afterward, we were on our way to Hardee's to get cancer and with a sideorder of heart attacks, when we were rear-ended by a Ford Explorer piloted by a woman who was looking at oncoming traffic instead of the car in front of her. It was one of those merging spots where two small highways come together and there's a yield. Well, the cop said it was all her fault, but NC is one of those weird states that has a percentage at-fault thingy that I don't understand. Boy, sometimes I actually miss Washington.

Back to the point...

Nobody was hurt out of the seven people riding in the two cars. I was with my best friend and her son, and both he and Jack were totally startled and upset. Poor things. The poor woman who ran into us felt terrible about the babies. Maybe next time that will compel her to look where she's going.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but a month after moving to this hideous state, my beloved Volkswagen Jetta was run over by a garbage truck, with me in it. So today's accident brought up a little trauma, needless to say. And let me state for the record that there is nothing that will make you shake more than an adrenaline high on very low bloodsugar.

It's Been A Busy Week!

2005-06-17T21:46:00.000-04:00

Okay, I just now am getting that MCF was making fun of me about the white-on-dark-purple thing because of the rant I posted in mid-May about how hard it is to read white type on dark background. I am so slow.

So for everyone interested, I am the BIGGEST hypocrite in the universe. This won't be the last time, I promise you that.

Thanks everyone for posting helpful comments and criticisms as I moved things around and generally messed up the place. It always gets worse before it gets better, and since I'm a HTML idiot, it could've turned out much, much uglier.

I've decided that due to my lack of imagination, time, and the size of the book images, I'm only including what I'm reading. Music, TV and movies may come later. Who knows.

Here, Twist My Arm

2005-06-16T20:57:00.000-04:00

I give up.

I need to take a couple days and not look at this thing.

I'll be back, be patient.

Take It Easy

2005-06-15T15:38:00.000-04:00

Just letting you all know that this is NOT the finished product. Just wanted to post the new template in order to get a feel for what it would really look like and what needs adapting.

Cheers!

Blog Party Cop-out

2005-06-13T21:21:00.000-04:00

There is nothing so formidable as a blank piece of paper, or in this case a blank sheet in MS Word. But then, there’s also no worse a foe than a subject assignment when one is running low on sleep and creative energy. As someone who one day may aspire to actually write things other people will pay to read, I keep telling myself that contributing to MCF’s latest blog party would be great practice. However, I feel as though I’d be coming up with things that may best belong in that place the sun don’t shine, ‘cause I won’t be pulling any fresh and shiny new tricks out of a hat.

There is a time for daring and determination, and then there’s a time to bow out.

You gotta know when to hold em
Know when to fold em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run

Renovation

2005-06-10T11:50:00.000-04:00

I've finally taken a second to update some of my links. As requested, I will be getting around to reposting my current reading and such, with links to further info, at a later date. I have to be honest, though. I'm getting really tired of looking at the same blog template every day, and I find it very jarring to go looking around and wind up at the same template with different words. My solution to this problem is to get a text-based template and alter it to my satisfaction. Don't go bonkers if you show up one day and things look very different. I'm thinking plain, with bright colors and an aesthetically pleasing font.

Where'd You Get Those Peepers

2005-06-08T13:39:00.000-04:00

My sweet little boy has another cold. I think it must be the same as Gabe had a week or so ago, because the primary symptom is a fever of 102 degrees. Hopefully that's as high as it goes. As it turns out, I was wrong about how the doc would react - babies over twelve weeks are okay to get fevers and ride them out. I would like to give the pediatrician credit for calling me back on her way to work - not even on the clock but being vigilant about her patient's health. Gotta love that.

The fever, along with the teething, makes Jack a very grumpy boy. He must be in pain somewhat, because he cries whenever I change his position. Finally, the Tylenol kicked in and the fever came down somewhat. Then, just as I was getting to my wits end about not being able to put him down long enough to eat or get a shower (I'm sick too, darnit), he wants to nurse and take a nap. Yippeee!

Lying down with to nurse him down, I always get to gaze into his big, dark eyes. He'll stare at me with such intensity that at times I wonder how anyone can not want a hundred fat little babies. Then I start to remember what it was like when I was sick as a child and how well my mother cared for me. Whenever I felt icky or needed to throw up, she was there to sooth me. She held my hair, wiped my face and helped me back into bed consistently until I was a teenager. When I moved out, and she was no longer there to comfort me, I stopped throwing up because I couldn't stand being without her in those vulnerable moments.

Something is clicking for me about my relationship with my mother, and it started yesterday as I was sitting with a friend who is visiting from Australia with her son, who happens to be two weeks older than Jack. Her son also stares at her while nursing (and this kid has some gorgeous peepers, lemme tell ya), but it unnerves her. She mentioned it, and I told her my take on it was that he was loving her up. Because of her abusive past, that kind of unconditional love is foreign, therefore she doesn't recognize it or know how to soak it up when it's coming her way. Contemplating this as I think about my own mother, I realize her childhood was not dissimilar from my friend's past, and that could explain some of the oddness in my relationship with my mother.

For years, I've been angry with my mother for not protecting us from my father, or leaving him altogether. I judged her for what I considered to be dereliction of duty as a mother. But she, like all of us, did the best she could with what she knew of life and love. The point there is that she didn't really know unconditional love from her dominant parent, her mother, and her father never protected her either. She loved me as well as she could, and still does. What I'm getting now is that when I looked up into her eyes with unconditional love, she did the best she could to receive it, but may never have learned how to reciprocate.

Staring at my own child in wonder, I realize that my mother loves me deeply. She shows me in every way she knows how, which included flying red-eye at the last minute after my c-section. When she knows that I need her, she does whatever is in her power to comfort me. I know the love that is in my heart when I look at my son is the same love that is in hers when she looks at me. Our relationship may not be perfect, but it is on the rocky road to mending, and I have my son (and my husband, because he gave me a son) to thank for opening up that possibility.

Jackson

Read It And Weep

2005-06-06T21:02:00.000-04:00

Meepers, you have been tagg-ed by the illustrious MCF. Should you choose to accept..

Total books owned, ever: Well, erm, not sure. There are several hundred upstairs, and I think I have enough to fill two eight-foot bookshelves back in Seattle in a storage unit, so, somewhere in the neighborhood of six hundred or so?

Last book I bought: Super Baby Food, by Ruth Yaron. For obvious reasons.

Last book I read: Plan B, by Anne Lamott. The Vagina Monologues, by Eve Ensler. I usually have one book I’m reading upstairs, and one I’m reading downstairs, and I just happened to finish these at virtually the same time.

Five books that mean a lot to me:
1. The Belgariad, by David & Leigh Eddings. Okay, the wife doesn’t get actual credit on the cover, but she’s basically helped co-author everything he’s ever written. And yes, it’s a series, not just one book. But they were the first novels I ever read, and they helped me discover reading as a hobby.

2. The Norton Shakespeare, edited by Stephen Greenblatt. Again, not just a single book, but a collection of all of Shakespeare’s works. The thing weighs a ton, so I used to buy whatever plays we were reading in mass market paperback so I wouldn’t have to carry the bugger. It is one of the few books I bothered to bring with me.

3. The Riverside Chaucer, edited by Larry Benson. Another anthology, and in Middle English. Okay, so all of Chaucer’s works are available online, but still, there’s nothing so special as being able to leaf through a work rather than scroll down.

4. The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. Someone once described religious or spiritual texts as “texts to live your life by”. I’ve read many different texts across several religions, but only The Four Agreements ever really spoke to me deeply enough to consider changing my life to follow the text’s directives.

5. The one I haven’t published yet. I know this sounds REALLY narcissistic, but it’s the truth in an unexpected way. I know there are way too many stories and words rattling around in my head, and I know that I feel better when I am writing. So the idea of publishing something (on paper, with a spine) is what keeps me going some days. Boredom is version of death, and there is nothing like stay-at-home parenting to bore you right out of your skull. If I keep my eye on the ball, eventually I will have the opportunity, and that is enough.

Five people tagged: Jodie, I must return the favor. Rhodes, because you’re a man after my own heart about these things, but this one is actually good! Fawndoo,WriteJerry, and Kelly, if you’re all interested. If not, no big.

Just Under the Wire

2005-06-06T19:54:00.000-04:00

Oh my god! Holy cow! No way.

Not a common reaction for me. There isn’t a lot that takes me so completely by surprise that I actually react strongly enough to remember it long enough to write about it. I do participate emotionally as well as intellectually with most everything I watch and read, but there is so much drivel out there sometimes it’s hard to get excited. So these five OMG moments were pretty big:

1. Contact (the book). The ending blew me out of the water. I had already seen the movie, and admittedly, the book moved much more slowly. It is with a warm flush of pride that I hold Contact up as what I believe the epitome of good science fiction.

2. Matrix. Okay, maybe this is a little cliché, but I remember walking out of the theater still so completely immersed in the movie that I had a hard time remembering where my car was or who I was there with (not surprisingly, my first husband). I’m a visual learner, so Matrix was an incredible way to be introduced to Gnostic philosophies, et al. I wasn’t nearly as troubled by the second two movies by the time they came out, because I was such a hardcore fan of the first.

3. Changing my major from Evolutionary Biology to English Literature. Why? Well, when I was growing up, my parents really pushed the idea of a college education. My father has a forestry degree and my mother has a computer science degree. They’re both very scientifically-minded, so it’s what I knew. I thought if I pursued a bio degree, it would please my dad. I spent two years working on classes that I kept failing or hating or both (minus O-Chem. loved it, aced it, can’t explain it) while concurrently taking English courses that I loved and did well in. When I went back after a three year break, I though Law school would be my eventual goal, and English is a great pre-Law major. But then, amidst all that reading and paper-writing, I discovered what I really wanted – to be an English major. It was a huge breakthrough.

4. Tim Burton. I never used to pay attention to who that star was in that movie, much less who directed it. So when I found out that Tim Burton had basically directed all my favorite movies (I was nicknamed Beetlejuice at one point), it was like everything coming together and finally making sense. Everything was right with the world.

5. There’s a certain something that is much easier for men to achieve than women, and I didn’t finally figure it out until I was 25. So THAT’S what all the fuss is about. Cool. (I should interject here that my first marriage only lasted until I was 23. Great guy, eh?)

Fawndoo, thanks for a good shindig, hopefully next time I'll actually be on time.

(un?)Fashionably Late

2005-06-05T10:04:00.000-04:00

Well, I could say it's the weekend, and I'm just busy, but when you don't have a regular job that excuse doesn't fly. So this is a promise that I'll be participating, though after the fact, in Fawndoo's OMG blog party.

I also hear tell that I've been tagged for yet another meme, this time by MCF, so I'll be laying that in as well after a while.

I'll be back!

Links

2005-06-03T12:39:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to keep my links off to the side over there all current and everything, including my lists of what I'm reading and watching, but I'm falling behind. Is there anybody I'm seriously missing who reads regularly or that has a link to my blog? And does anybody actually get anything out of seeing what I'm reading and such? Just curious, folks, would appreciate the feedback.

Miracle of Miracles

2005-06-01T17:05:00.000-04:00

I have discovered my special power, for anyone interested. I can sing my baby to sleep!!! This may not sound like much to folks, but for me, it's huge. Jack isn't overly fond of being put down for naps and such, and he fusses adequately for several babies. Many methods, such as rocking, walking, and just plain exhausting him have met with limited success. Singing, however, fascinates him completely every time. Now all I have to do is brush up on some easy-to-remember songs that work a cappella. (So far, I only have Twinkle Twinkle, The Wheels on The Bus, Magic Dance from Labyrinth, and Old MacDonald) Let's hope my voice holds up.

I've Been Hit! Man Down!

2005-05-29T21:30:00.000-04:00

She got me. Nurse Ratchett (aka Jodie) has pointed her cursor and thereby tagged me with the latest meme. The meme of threes.

Three screen names that you have had:
dragonfly_76, meleporter, meepers: I worked at a small co-op on Saturdays in high school with a girl from Tacoma who was much more “worldly” than I. Needless to say we cause more trouble than we were worth. One day, we were bored and not totally sober, so we decided to give ourselves hippy names. Mine was Dragonmoon, which I proceeded to have tatooed on the back of my neck when I turned 18. It’s tasteful, don’t worry. But in the process, I found myself wanting to keep the name somehow without being totally obvious, so I converted to dragonfly. The thought process wasn’t exactly linear. Then there’s my maiden name, and my nickname. Easy cheesy.

Three things you like about yourself:
I’m fairly smart, though it doesn’t come through most of the time. I can take care of myself. I’m persistent (though my husband would say this isn’t a good thing).

Three things you don't like about yourself:
I hide behind an airhead persona when I’m uncomfortable around people. It takes me forever to get over things that make me angry or hurt my feelings. I didn’t finish my BA my first two times out.

Three parts of your heritage:
Irish (everyone says it, but in my case it’s actually true), Swedish & Native American. My mother’s mother’s last name was Lingensjo. Can anyone pronounce that, ‘cause I can’t. My father’s bio-father is alleged to be Native, but nobody’s talkin’.

Three things that scare you:
Being separated from my baby. Harm coming to my baby or husband. The possibility that in fact, my father is sane after all and his chicken little theories are right on the money.

Three of your everyday essentials:
Baby, water bottle, chapstick. Breakfast. Glasses. Hubby.

Three things you are wearing right now:
Glasses. Wedding Ring. Red Rocks Park tank top. (That isn’t all, but the rest is uninteresting)

Three of your favorite songs:
(This is like Desert Island Disks on KMTT in Seattle)
Anything from the following: Shaming of the Sun, Indigo Girls; One All, Neil Finn; Afterglow, Sarah McLachlan.

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
Moving to the West Coast. Taking college courses online. Learning HTML.

Three things I want in a relationship:
- Three things I have in my current relationship that I always wanted. –
Honesty, someone who loves me for me, and someone who knows what he wants.

Two truths and a lie:
I’m too young to feel this responsible, I need to exercise more often, and I really enjoy spending time with my in-laws.

Three things you can't do without:
My peoples. Houseplants. Being organized.

Three places you want to go on vacation:
India. I took an Indian History class in college, I adore Indian food, and I’m terribly curious to see what it’s like there. Ireland, for all the obvious reasons. Hawaii, because my best friends keeps going there to visit family and coming back with all sorts of stories that just make me want to see the place.

Three things you just can't do:
Pretend to be nice to people I don’t like. Organized sports – ‘cause I really suck at athletics. Condone or forgive bad behavior when it concerns children.

Three kids' names:
Jackson Alexander (of course), and if we have any more and they’re girls I want to name at least one of them Virginia.

Three things you want to do before you die:
Finish my degree, write a book, live to see some grandkids.

Three Celeb crushes:
John Cusack, Hugh Jackman, Ving Rhames.

So I'd like to pass the torch to averageJoe, WriteJerry, and Wendy. Have at, if the mood strikes ya.

Cheers!

PHEW!!!

2005-05-28T12:59:00.000-04:00

Okay, the temp is back down, and the baby is just a little run down. They went to the hospital last night, and the doc said he has a virus. So, major relief.

Apparently, a year can make a huge difference in how to respond to these kinds of things. Jack, at four months, would probably be admitted with a fever of 104. However, Gabe, who is nine months older, got sent home with the "liquids and rest" regimen.

I went to check on them this afternoon while Jack was napping, and Gabe seemed okay but tired. Of course, that doesn't stop him from wanting to go outside and play, though I think that can be regarded as a good sign.

On a lighter note to my earlier freak-out about my busy weekend, I found some balance. I left the boys home for their first independent opportunity, and they did great. I went to the bank, got gas, did the grocery shopping, went to the post, and managed to squeeze a quick Target run into a two and a half hour trip. (20 minutes from our house each way) Yay me!!! And I didn't panic once about not being within two feet of the baby. Feelin' Gooood.

Please Pray for Us

2005-05-27T18:41:00.000-04:00

Hey, just gotta get this out there 'cause it's making me a little crazy:

The best friend just called to cancel our dinner plans 'cause my nephew has a fever of 104 and they're on their way to the doc. I'm totally wigging, 'cause Gabey-baby is only 13 months, and that's one high fever.

So pray for him, folks, I'm sure his parents would appreciate it.

And I'll post when we get a prognosis.

Don't Call Me That Unless You Mean It

2005-05-27T17:34:00.000-04:00

Someone once called me a "Coldplay Whore". Now, I should’ve followed my first instinct and bashed the guy’s head in with a rock. Alas, I think I actually dated the bastige for a couple more weeks.

All whoring aside, I do very much like Coldplay. Notably, they are playing at a nice outdoor venue near here (HERE being used as a relative term since we live in the middle of freakin’ Podunk nowhere) in September. Happily, I think Mr. Shorty Pants might be big enough for said concert. Now, I can hear your wheels turning: don’t you think the noise will be too much for him? Blah, blah, blah. There’s lawn seating, smart-o, and the noise won’t be nearly so harsh in an outdoor venue. The lawn-seating brings back fond, fond memories of earlier concert-going in the NW.

First, there was the Gorge. The Gorge at George. Silly, eh? Well, not after you’ve seen the place. It’s a concert venue that overlooks the Columbia River, and I’m not sure words can encompass the beauty. I’ve lived on or near the Columbia River my whole life, and my family goes back five generations living on the Columbia. The river runs through a trough carved by the last ice age, and it resembles its cousin The Grand Canyon in its breathtaking views of rock formations, etc. At night, the sun sets and you can see every star in existence. I saw three Lilith Fair concerts and one Neil Young (who was stoned out of his mind, so good thing the tickets were free).

Second, there was the Zoo. Animals at a rock concert? Yep. The Woodland Park Zoo does a series of benefits every summer called ZooTunes, and the co-op I worked at was the only place to get tickets. Thus, the employees got free tickets. There is this great lawn, and it’s a family oriented concert series so everyone brought dinner and blankets and their kids. The concerts were early, and mostly during the week, but the crowds were small and the artists were always great. I saw Joan Osborne and Randy Newman (separately), and taking a tour of the rose garden beforehand really made it great.

So back to Coldplay. I first discovered their greatness while in London (otherwise known as Nodnol, if you're a Red Dwarf fan), sitting in a pub one night after closing waiting for a friend’s friend to get done so we could find an after hours spot to hang out. The album was playing and I was more interested in it than this slimy old photographer who had copious things to say about how American girls are fabulous because they’ll give BJ’s and British girls won’t. So I’m sitting there trying to tune this guy out, and suddenly I find that I’m actually enjoying the music. That was Parachutes. I bought it when I got back to the States, and practically drooled my way to Tower Records when A Rush of Blood to the Head came out. Now there’s a new (this will be their first album after the poor choice of marrying Gwenyth Paltrow, so I’m holding my opinions in check until further review) album coming out June 7th, followed by a nice little American (or world?) tour. And I’ll actually be in the right place at the right time to see them. (But that is a whole ‘nother sad little story)

I'm Going to Kindap Myself...

2005-05-27T15:35:00.000-04:00

...just to avoid having to be present this weekend. We have a long list of things to do, the baby and I have playgroup on Sunday, and then a beloved aunt is coming on Monday...

And my in-laws want to come over too so they can see her.

Life Sucks.

(postdisclaimer: I am NOT one of those happy, sunny people that can see the good in everything. When I'm in a bad mood, everything stinks. Period.)

Is There A Plan C?

2005-05-24T18:09:00.000-04:00

I’ve been reading Anne Lamott’s latest collection of essays called Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith with Buddy’s mom: she calls me on her way to work, and we read a section over the phone and then talk about it. But lately, I’ve been pretty stressed about a couple health issues going on in my family, so I thought I would read some of the pieces on my own to get some perspective and mental health back. I’m sure we’ll read all of them together, because as Buddy’s mom pointed out, Anne Lamott is like good spaghetti sauce: better the second time.

So this afternoon, while the baby sleeps off whatever cold or teething or growth thing he has going on, I sat and read several pieces from the new book. As usual, she is funny, honest, insightful and a spectacular storyteller. I always get the opportunity to laugh, and I always come away feeling like I’ve learned something with my heart as well as my head.

Lamott’s son, Sam, is now a teenager, and she doesn’t hesitate to write about their experiences. I just came away from an essay called “Adolescence” with a tight feeling in my gut because she did a fabulous job describing the tension that goes on between them when she’s busy being a menopausal mother and he a bratty entitlement teenager. The knot in my stomach is probably extra-large because this is my worst fear about parenting: how to deal with a teen who doesn’t want to hear a thing you have to say. That fear is probably a large contributor to my decision to co-sleep, breastfeed until whenever (which could be three and I wouldn’t care), and to generally keep the kid close at all times. I want the best chance I can get with my crazy genetics and off-kilter mental state at parenting my child happily into adulthood.

Don’t think I’m under any illusions that teenagerhood won’t have its moments no matter what I do. Take for instance my interaction with my stepdaughter. When I first met her, she was a cheery, shy, tomboyish eleven-year-old. Now, she’s a snotty, self-absorbed, sullen thirteen-year-old. These things are not insults, they’re fact! The last time she came over, she was rude, criticized the baby, and made an overall nuisance of herself. Now, I wasn’t there when she was young, and I haven’t been in her life very long, so we don’t have much of a bond. But that doesn’t make spending time with her any easier, and it scares me death because I have one or two of those rotten little beasts of my own to look forward to.

I hope that with time, my fears about this period in Jack and his potential siblings’ lives will subside. After reading Lamott’s published journal about her son’s birth and first year, Operating Instructions, I felt less nervous about things like my own anger and frustration when it came to events like colic and sleeplessness. Her humor and candidness make it easy to identify, especially when you’re as crazy as I am. With time, Plan B will afford me the same opportunity in regards to teenagers (and George W, whom she and I feel very similarly about).

Merchant of Venice Part I

2005-05-24T11:31:00.000-04:00

Okay folks, for everyone interested, Merchant of Venice, by popular demand and silent deferral, is the pick of the month for movie reviews. The appropriate month being June.

At the end of June, I'll try and do a round up of what everyone thought and post the July pick. So when you've posted your review and if you have any suggestions for what movies need to go on the list, post a comment here.

Happy viewing.

Bye Bye Buddy

2005-05-24T11:23:00.000-04:00

I had a dog when I was a kid that was part German Shepherd, and part several other unidentified breeds. So he was a big ole mutt, and we loved him to death. My brother and I named him Sugar.

Sugar was the sort of dog who loved to play fetch. You could throw things for him by the hour, and he wouldn’t tire or get bored. He would fetch anything: the normal stuff like sticks and Frisbees, but he would also go after rocks (sniffing out the right rock in a whole pile of similar ones) or branches (if you could get up the momentum). My mother’s father would come to visit and spend an hour at a time throwing for Sugar, and come back inside sweaty and sore, but the dog was still ready to go.

My father had a penchant for raising animals, so when I was kid we raised a pig, chickens, and ducks, and we always had cats, dogs, and the occasional fish. Sugar was always good with all the animals, never scaring the chickens or chasing the ducks the way our beagle did. The pig thought she was a dog, so she followed Sugie all over the neighborhood, much to our neighbors’ dismay. Sugie didn’t seem to mind, and even played with her.

When our family dynamics became so uncomfortable that I moved out midway through high school, I never really missed Sugar. It wasn’t until years later, watching him on some family videos, that I realized what a fabulous dog he was. In the interim, I moved in with my best friend and her mother, and they had a smallish black dog named Buddy. He was supposed to have been some specific breed that he only vaguely wound up resembling, but he was the sweetest and most oddly quiet dog I’ve ever met. I was going through some difficulty adjusting to life without my immediate family, and Buddy was always good for a hug and a sympathetic look.

Buddy & Maggie

Since graduating from high school and making a life of my own, I have gone without dogs. I’ve had one cat that I didn’t get along well with, so she went to live with a friend. When Joe and I were first dating, I lived with my best friend, who has a tendency to rescue anyone and anything who looks like they might need it. That is how we came to have Olympia. Best Friend found her one day on the side of the road – an emaciated, dehydrated stray with a broken leg and sad look in her eye.

Olympia

Olympia has since been rehabilitated (to the tune of $3000), which consisted of five surgeries and lots of love and attention. She doesn’t bar either, oddly enough. (Well, at bigger dogs, but she’s going to find one day that that doesn’t work to her advantage.) Limpy, as she is affectionately know because she has never had a functioning fourth leg, is the third love of my life, dog-wise, and my very first inside dog. She’s a punt dog by my brother’s standards: the vet thinks she’s a Chihuahua and Pomeranian mix. She is the dog that made me realize I was a dog person.

Last week, after sixteen wonderful years, Buddy was sent to doggie heaven by a kind vet. He has been seriously ailing for a couple years, and the medications and a single surgery didn’t make a difference, so it was time to say goodbye. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the chance to kiss him on his sweet, soft little head before he went, but he knows that he was loved. I will miss his presence running up to greet me whenever I visit the cabin. His presence in my life brought me awake to the fact that a dog can be a wonderful companion and friend, I will be forever grateful that I was able to know him and love him. And right now I am very sad.

Where Do We Go From Here?

2005-05-22T21:45:00.000-04:00

Now that the baby is getting big enough to play on his own and I’m having a bit of free time, I am starting to think about where I want my life to go when I have the opportunity to leave the house without him. This last part might sound a little strange, so let me explain.

Joe and I weren’t planning to get pregnant. We fumbled the timing a bit – we’d been engaged since Christmas, and the wedding was planned for September. Having babies has never been a question for us. Joe is one of the rare men I’ve met that is clear about having a family and was up front about it, so I knew from the beginning we were going to be a good match. But my intention in moving to this area was to finish my BA and get into grad school for English Lit. I wanted to write, to teach, and to generally be in an academic atmosphere. Due to some very limiting circumstances, when I finally established residency, my pregnancy was far enough gone that school wasn’t an option anymore.

Another reason that we make a great team is that we have the same child-rearing philosophy. Both of us are pretty opposed to childcare outside the home – we believe that if we’re going to have babies, we want to be the ones that raise them. I feel strongly about breastfeeding until the child is ready to wean, rather than setting an arbitrary date. We also co-sleep (something that really seems to freak most people out) and that certainly isn’t going to end anytime soon. So all in all, Jack and I are pretty much attached at the hip until he gets to the point that solid foods are an actual meal, which will probably be around seven or eight months. These practices don’t leave much room for me to go places by myself. Add to our own beliefs these facts about our son: he cries whenever he has to ride in his car seat, he won’t take any sort of plastic bottle or pacifier, and he rarely lets anyone besides me comfort him to sleep. You can see where I’m going with this, can’t you?

I love my son, and I love spending all this time with him while he is in this very formative period. I am excited about the opportunity to home school him at least part of the time. All of our decisions so far about how best to take care of our baby are things I am 100% committed to. Though I wish I had been more physically and mentally prepared for the process of being pregnant and giving birth, I am happy that my son is in the world and I can see having one, if not several, more. But where does all this leave my own plans for several degrees and hopefully a teaching career?

(Really far down the list, that’s where)

My approach to this issue lately is to contemplate how best to involve myself in the academic world without actually going to school. I know of plenty of instances of independent scholars who are doing great work and studying what their areas of interest without having to deal with the bureaucratic nightmare that is the average university. I think this approach would work for me after I finish my Ph.D., but at this point I am so hopelessly undereducated that…well…it’s pretty sad.

Of course, this new blogging experience has been a great outlet. The many merits so far include being able to record thoughts in a flash like a diary or journal, getting immediate feedback as if I were actually in a class with my peers, and reading what others are doing for comparison’s sake. There are some great social aspects as well, but you all know about that. But more and more of late, I am finding myself dissatisfied with both the quantity and quality of my work. Yes, I think of it that way, and that is unlikely to change in the near future. What might be changing is how much I blog, and in the sad state of affairs that is my posting frequency, it could mean the death of this blog due to lack of comment threads. The option to fill my allotted space with pictures and updates about the baby is always a possibility, but I see that as a major departure from current topic variety and therefore probably another sure way to NO READERS. So maybe the caliber of my writing stinks right now, but at least I’m getting some writing done.

At some point, every writer must examine their reason for writing. While I think it a little pretentious to label myself a writer, it is a very large part of both who I am and what I’d like to do for a living. Given the fact that scholarly books don’t make squat because so few copies are sold, I will almost surely have to find other things to write about. This brings me back to my original quandary of late about where things are going now that I’m a stay-at-home mommy. I want to write, and I want that writing to be worth something according to my own estimations. I have been exchanging pithy letters with a friend who is still in the NW, I’ve been blogging, I write the occasional essay, and I’ve slowly been reading my way through things that aren’t just brain candy. Yet I am still at an impasse regarding writing of a more academic or lucrative nature.

I am convinced that once I can finish my BA, many more options will have opened to me. Finishing said degree is actually a possibility (as is getting a weekend job) once the kid is eating more solid foods and letting Daddy be a little more participatory in bedtime. Though it is difficult for me to admit, maybe I just need to continue the waiting game and keep on with my other activities in the meantime. I was at home without transportation for the entirety of my pregnancy, I’ve been at home with munchkin boy for the last four and a half months, why not another year so that my bubba can get old enough to let mommy do homework. It seems so far off, but I’m sure it will pass like a flash, and in the meantime I can keep plugging away at my current projects.

I’m sure this isn’t the last time I will post about my mental musings. I have this tendency to go over and over something until I come up with an option that has symmetry and functionality. Be patient with me, fellow bloggers, and feel free to post reflections.

I'm Corn-fused

2005-05-17T12:46:00.000-04:00

I'm jumpin' right on this bandwagon.

Buddhism

83%

Paganism

71%

Hinduism

58%

agnosticism

58%

Satanism

50%

Christianity

38%

Islam

38%

atheism

25%

Judaism

17%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

Here's something I'm really confused about - "50% satanism"? Like I actually answered questions that mean I worship the devil? Random, and completely not true. I'm not surprised that Islam and Christianity came in at the same percentage. I'm definitely a skeptic and curious about the larger scheme of things, that's for sure.

What Are You Feedin' That Kid?

2005-05-16T17:35:00.000-04:00

That's my son. Oh wait, no it's not. Not yet anyway.

Last week, I went to buy baby clothes for him, because he'd grown out of everything we inherited from cousin Gabe. I had to buy 12 month onesies and 18 month jumpers. He's only 4 months old!!! Who are they sizing these things after, anyway?

Just now, I had to take him out of his walker-without-wheels because he's maxed out the height on it and was pushing back on the seat part enough to get the front part off the ground. I'm running out of contraptions for him, and he can't even sit up on his own yet.

I already have a bad back, and I'm in for a world of hurt, I can just tell.

I'm a star!

Marriage Insurance

2005-05-16T16:37:00.000-04:00

The universe, or god, or whatever, is definitely watching out for this marriage.

I didn't realize it until a little bit ago, but Joe & I had a bit of tough weekend. Starting with going to his parents' house for the group birthday thing (Joe's dad & half brother also have birthdays this month). The visit went well, but the baby had a total meltdown on the way home, screaming nearly the whole 45 minute drive from their house to ours. I tried everything, but he just wanted to be at home so he could fall asleep in his own bed. Then, Sunday, I get it set in my head that the house has to be absolutely spotless by the time we go to bed. But as the day progresses and we're getting nothing done, I started to freak out, and needless to say our evening did not go well. So I woke up in a very bad mood this morning, needing more sleep, but the baby wouldn't have it. But then, he's been difficult and cranky all day because I am and because his gums are causing him so much distress. So finally, we took a nice long nap together this afternoon.

I had one of the most horrible nightmares in a long time. I dreamt that I was remarried to my exhusband, that Jack was his son, and that Joe was nowhere in my life. All I wanted to do was take my baby and RUN! Then I woke up.

So Joe, I'm making this a very public apology. I'm sorry that I get so stuck on certain ideas of how things SHOULD be. I'm sorry that I'm not as patient with you as I could be. I'm sorry that I blame you for things that are totally not your fault or responsibility. You are a wonderful father, husband and friend. The most wonderful, in my book. I know you work really hard to take care of you in the ways that you know how, and it means the world to me. It means so much to me that when I thouht you weren't part of my life in the middle of that nightmare, I was in total despair. Children, you will always love because they are a part of your body, but their job is not to comfort and be there to listen to your tales of woe and sacrifice. Joe, honey, thank you for taking me as I am, and I'm sorry I'm not as a good a person as you deserve. I'm trying.

Okay, This Silly, But...

2005-05-16T16:32:00.000-04:00

In the spirit of the impromptu blog party, I had an idea for my own:

What really gross snack did you just LOVE as a kid (and wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole now?).

Only comments, not posts, necessary.

Mine: I would crumble up a package of saltine crackers, pour spaghetti sauce over them, then put cheeses slices on top. Then I put it in the microwave and zapped it until the cheese was nice and gooey and I could stir it up into a weird little sludge. Here's the great part - I wouldn't eat it until it had cooled down again into the perfect texture of plasticy, salty goodness.

You're up!

Filmgeeks 2.0 Blog Party

2005-05-15T22:36:00.000-04:00

So when Wendy over at filmgeeks suggested a blogparty about a favorite actor and their movies, I immediately had in mind what I wanted to write about. This is a first. So I'm actually participating in one of these things. Of course, since it isn't mandatory and I didn't get coerced, there's nothing to rebel against.

John Cusack, man. Has been for a long time. I own more than half of all of his movies, even the obscure ones. I don't know what it is about the guy. I have to admit, his movies aren't really the most intellectual and out of them all Say Anything might be the only one to go down in history as anything at all. But something happened for me after seeing High Fidelity, and I think he just skipped his way to the top of the list on that movie alone. So here are my all time, top five favorite John Cusack films:

1. High Fidelity
First of all, the soundtrack rocks (or would rock if the movie version of Jack Black singing had been recorded and not some crappy studio version). Second - who doesn't love a good soul-searching look at why we make relationship choices? The funny yet kind way that the movie deals with Rob's rather sad obsession is only topped by the way Nick Hornby origianlly portrayed Rob's issues. I get into really analyzing things and cruising along while someone else does their self-analyzation bit. It's a fascinating way to learn about how people work. Plus this movie got me through some rough moments in between relationships a few years back. I can nearly recite this movie by heart.

2. Pushing Tin
Hilarious. Sweet, cheesy, romatic. "See, I told you Colorado wasn't far enough."

3.Midnight In the Garden of Good and Evil
To watch this movie unfold, you'd think it was an ordinary down-on-southerners yankee flick. C'mon, the guy walking a dog that's been dead for years? But the eerie ending and devil-may-care collection of characters make you come back for another viewing.

4.Grosse Pointe Blank
I've never missed high school. I'm not going to my reunion this year, though I considered it. But this movie made it seem like, eight years ago, it might not be a horrible thing to go. Joan's commentary on how everyone seemed to have "swelled" made my day. Still does. And the dialog between Martin Blank and Dan Ackroyd's character is just too funny to miss.

5.The Jack Bull
About a guy who just won't give up, not matter what, because he's in the right. Wish there were more of those guys in politics.

Corporate Thneed

2005-05-15T13:41:00.000-04:00

I'm a regular subscriber to the New Yorker. Last election season, I got my information and spin from NPR and the above said magazine. I love the publication for many reasons, not the least of which are their witty and thought-provoking covers.

At the top of this post you can get a gander at the most recent cover, appropriate as all the (semester schedule) colleges headed into graduation weekend. This one made me laugh out loud, at the hilarity and the sad honesty of that cover. I am not a college graduate, not yet, and I never want to work in corporate "America", but I can feel the painful tightness that must be caused by the panicky realization of thousands of recent college grads at the prospect that the job market is just plain overstuffed. I've watched many of my nearest and dearest affected by this trend of over-education and the lackluster American economy. Joe was laid off, and is still doing contract work because that's all that's available. The company he contracts for just laid off 3/4 of their employees at the end of the '04 fiscal year, only to hire a good portiono of them back as contractors (thereby avoiding having to pay benefits and ensuring the expedability of their workforce). His half-brother graduated a year and a half ago from a decent private college, and hadn't found a job until recently, which he was subsequently fired from this week. My mother's job market is shrinking because DBA positions are being shipped to India. My father-in-law was forcibly retired after something like 30 years of faithful employment with the same company. The people I see keeping their jobs and sometimes enjoying them are ones that own their own businesses, are in "alternative" lines of work (one of our aunts dumpster dives and sells her finds for a living), or work for the government.

Take from this poorly cobbled string of thoughts what you will, but from where I stand, things aren't so rosy on the capitalist front. The New Yorker, an obviously liberal magazine, hasn't missed the fact that we're headed down a very dangerous path because of the fiscal mismanagement of the current administration. The most recent cover is offering that new graduate a choice - attempt to get on that sardine-packed subway car, or get off the platform entirely. Where the exit takes you is up to you.

Movie Madness

2005-05-13T21:35:00.000-04:00

I've been perusing the IMdB and the Ballbuster websites for current DVD releases and here's what I found that sounds, well, interesting to me:

Hero
The Life and Death of Peter Sellers (daa-dum, daa-dum...)
Primer
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
What the (Bleep) Do We Know

Again, I'm requesting suggestions from everyone, so that we can start compiling a list to choose from. What I'm thinking is that each month we'll take turns picking a movie from the list. So if you want something on the list that you like, please pony up.

White on Black

2005-05-13T21:18:00.000-04:00

I have to list a small complaint (I know, again?).

There are several very readable blogs that I've encountered in my travels so far. But I can't read them because they're white type on black background, and it makes my eyes hurt, and then when I look up, I'm still seeing white lines on things. Ick.

Oh well.

Bubba, and Friends

2005-05-13T16:47:00.000-04:00

I had to post this shot of Gabe, my best friend's kid, because he's my other baby. Too...much...cuteness...can't...resist.

Gabey-baby & Scrunch'n'Munch

My kid has more nicknames than is really reasonable. But that's the way I am. So on any given day, he'll be "scrunch'n'munch", "bubba", "mr. squishy pants", or "squeaker". Others have come and gone already. My nickname as a kid (from my dad) was "foo-foo droop-eye", so maybe this problem is genetic.

Hey! Enough with the camera already!

This is the funniest pic to date. The one of him splashing all over in the bath and the couple of him chewing daddy's fingers come in close seconds, though. Then there's this one:

Jack & Owen

Owen is the same size as Jack, but three months older, and is very playful. Pictures of these two together give you some perspective of what its like to have a 7lb baby (Owen) as opposed to a 10lb baby (Jack). Someday, I might get brave enough to post the pictures of my bare belly a good two weeks before Jack was born.

Just 'cause you had to see this one.

This is the look I get when I get out the camera instead of picking the baby up.

Good news on the teething front - the first bottom tooth broke through on the way home from the pediatrician's last night. Yay!!!

Movie Go-round

2005-05-12T08:57:00.000-04:00

Okay, here's what we have so far:

Jodie, Joe, Kelly, Wendy, and Dave have all put their hats in for reviewing movies as a group. Any more takers out there? Darrell, you gonna join us by virtue of your wife? Ah, well, we can accumulate more folks as they come along.

So here's what I'm thinking so far: in deference to Jodie (and me) we won't be doing any scary movie watching. Okay, Joe, Dave, I know that's a small bummer. But tis what it is. Also, could we not review anything that's in the theater right now? I can't get to see anything until the baby is bigger. I'm hoping that by the time Serenity and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire come out, I'll be back in the theaters too. So Dave, filmgeeks, that leaves you plenty to review for the reading pleasure of the rest of us. So, now all we need to do is pick something. Suggestions needed.

In terms of timing, can we attempt this about once a month? That way, we pick one for the month, we can all review at different times, and I'll do a month-end round up.

That's My Bubba

2005-05-11T19:34:00.000-04:00

Brand New Baby Jack

Finally!!! That's my kid, everyone!!!

I'm so happy to finally get pictures of the kid posted. After all, this is the guy I spend all my time with. (Dad is a close second.) The picture above is from the week after we brought him home. He was born with every skin issue know to babydom, poor thing. When my mom arrived the day after he was born and held him for the first time, her first comment was that I looked the same way when I was born. So apparently he has my skin.

Baby Jack 3.5 Months

As time goes on, I'm sure I'll get more pictures of Jack posted just for the sake of posting them. I don't have a lot of free time right now because he's cutting his first two teeth (and couldn't be less happy about it), so I barely have time to write, much less think anything through enough to write creatively.

So is he the cutest kid you've ever seen, or what! (Next time I'll post something with my nephew in it too, and you'll get to see the two cutest kids in the universe at the same time. Lucky you.)

Could You Get More Excited About a Childern's Movie?

2005-05-10T18:47:00.000-04:00

Yay!!!!!!!

As you can see, I'm getting more a little more blog/internet savvy. But not much.

So the above pic is a teaser, but as of Sunday the trailer for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire has been up. It was a darn good book, and it looks like it'll make a great movie. I can't believe I'm saying that about a sequel.

Also, Amazon.com is offering the pre-order of Book six.

All in all, I'm very into this stuff, even though it's technically a children's series. I can't wait until Jack is old enough that I can read these books to him. I think we'll have a good time. Of coures, if he's like me, it'll take us about two weeks to finish them all.

Politics in the Air

2005-05-10T17:58:00.000-04:00

Is it just me, or is everyone feeling a renewed desire to talk politics? I've had this one brewing in my head for a couple days...

As you can see by looking to the left, I'm still working on Hillary Clinton's memoir about being in the White House. (Unlike some people, I plan to keep that column updated and actually try to finish my reading.) So far, I'm getting a lot out of the book in terms pure entertainment (I was pretty young when the Clintons entered the White House, so I don't remember much from the first term). I started the book because I wanted to see if my feeling about Hillary being a viable presidential candidate in '08 was way off base. I like her background as a successful lawyer and the fact that she doesn't come from money (like the Kennedys or Bushes). I also agree with her stance about protecting children's rights and making health care accessible to EVERYONE. Her writing about all the friends she made on her way to the White House seems a little phony, but overall her tone seems truthful, and as objective as any autobiography could be.

Reading this book has given me new insight into my political position on the national spectrum: I think I might actually be a socialist! Hillary and Bill are considered extremely liberal by today's Re-puke-lican standards, but they aren't liberal enough for me. I'll still vote for regular old centrist Demo-craps, but I yen for Al Gore to give it another shot (now there's a guy to look up to). For those of you who are gasping at my bald-faced embrace of uberliberalism, don't worry, I wouldn't throw my chips in with a Nader type either. So here I am, stuck without a good candidate-to-be.

What, you might ask, are some of the aspects of my liberality? (Well, even if you don't want to know, I'm going to share anyway.)

Feminism is about women having the opportunity to make their own life choices.
Pro-choice means that I, and nobody else, have the right to make my own reproductive choices, whatever they might be.
The environment is as sacred as any church, and should be protected and cherished, not mined and clear-cut.
Killing people isn't allowed - not corporal punishment, not war, nothing. "Wars undo mothers' work".
Health care and education are for everyone. Not just the rich.
The stock market and social security don't belong under the same roof, and neither do organized religion and the government.

I'm sure I could go on. And on. And on, and on and on.

But what's the point? I don't have any readers left.

Comments Needed!

2005-05-07T16:21:00.000-04:00

Hey folks, I have an idea and I want to know what everyone thinks.

I've been getting quite a kick out of Dave's movie reviews, as I'm sure everyone else is. Now, there are those memes running around, and I've heard tell of something called a blogparty. Now would it be interesting to pick a movie, everyone rent and watch it, and then each of us post about it? I guess I envision it sort of like a reading group (now I've just turned off a whole bunch of people).

???

If you don't like it, you can eat my shorts.

2005-05-06T22:33:00.000-04:00

(link removed)

I get so excited for these things that I just had to share!

Update: I've reposted the picture above, so now the blog should be back to normal.

What's in a Name

2005-05-06T22:11:00.000-04:00

Okay, that's really cliche. Sorry.

I just had the realization that my real first name isn't anywhere associated with my blog. And I'm a little wierded out by nobody knowing it.

It's Melanie, by the way.

Random Babyness

2005-05-03T11:07:00.000-04:00

-Sometimes when the kids spits up, a little glob hangs out right above his chin and it looks like a bleached out soul patch.

-Only two more months until solid foods. I'm hoping at least one of the following happen: he sleeps more hours in a row, and/or he poops less than six times a day.

-Teething royally sucks the big one. He's still working on the first two, and the irritation and crankyness is going on three weeks now. Poor little guy.

-There is nothing sweeter than your child falling asleep at the boob.

That's all for now.

Canonization

2005-05-02T21:17:00.000-04:00

I think my hubby deserves a chance at sainthood for marrying me. Really, it's a friggin' miracle. I mean, anyone who can deal with their wife totally dissing the in-laws up one side and down the other in a PUBLIC PLACE without freaking out deserves some serious recognition. He knows I'm bitter, poor thing, and is totally stuck in the middle. And yet he rarely complains. I get to process my own crap in the ways that I see fit, and he's okay with it. I'm so incredibly lucky to be able to keep this guy.

Of course, now he's stuck with me for life because my wretched, post-pregnancy body is all his fault. A 10 pound baby is just not normal. Well-loved and overfed, but just not normal.

There's Hope For The South!

2005-05-02T14:42:00.000-04:00

My sweetie just forwarded a very interesting link regarding some recent Limbaugh hijinks. Nice.

The In-laws

2005-05-02T13:20:00.000-04:00

So, after emailing the in-laws twice, and talking to them on the phone without comment, they finally referenced my request to chat when they came over this weekend. And you know what, I was too friggin' tired to actually participate in a decent discussion. So I said "I'm happy that you brought it up, but..."

Funny thing is, I was emailing my father-in-law (FIL), but step-mom-in-law (SMIL) was the one who broached the subject. I don't have a beef with her, but of course that's because she is actually able to talk about things from her perspective, whereas FIL puts his head down and does this wierd silent treatment crap that makes me want to box his ears. So, its nice that they were willing to talk, but right now I still have strong feelings of dislike.

What this all means is that I have this conversation thing hanging over my head. Today, I'm rather unhappily focused on it. My kid and I both have colds and got no sleep, so I'm bloody cranky. A good measure of this: I found Rhodester's 1st paragraph about Deadwood funny. Sorry, Jodie, but barbarian words are my fallback sometimes. Fucking in-laws.

Hey God - are we moving anytime soon, 'cause I really wanna be gone. Like, NOW.

(I hope my kid doesn't pick up my shut-em-out habit in regards to people he's not so fond of.)

Meme Hell

2005-05-02T12:07:00.000-04:00

"According to the rules, now that I'm “it” I have to continue the meme, and then make others “it”. The meme is to pick five of the professions below and finish the sentence."

While I find these things deeply silly and unfair (and I'm a terrible sport about being forced to do things I think are dumb), I will finish my end of this meme, but I flatly refuse to tag anyone else. If a few people feel like volunteering, don't credit me, I don't want any part of it. Oh yeah, and thanks a lot, honey.

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an inn-keeper...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be an astronaut...
If I could be a world famous blogger...
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...
If I could be married to any current famous political figure...
If I could be a dog trainer...

If I could be a farmer... I would have pigs, chickens, ducks, cows, dogs, sheep, goats, and maybe a cat or two. I would also have a gigantic garden where I grew my own food. Of course, this is a self-sufficient, off-the-grid operation, so we'd be powered by solar panels and those wind thingys (see what pregnancy brain does, you can't even remember the simple stuff). We MIGHT have internet for my sweetie, if he promises never to MEME-spam me ever again.

If I could be a scientist... isn't really a question about ability. I can, I have most of a biology degree, and I was very good at it. But if I still had the interest, I would study whales - orcas pods, specifically - and I would live in Friday Harbor in the San Jaun Islands. Conservationism and environmentalism are sort a way of life for me already, so that's probably where my focus would be with the whales, too.

If I could be a lawyer... I would sue the snot out of the Bush Admin. for endangering future generations' chance to live in a clean, biodiverse environment. Then I would sue them for pushing the American economy to the brink of bankruptcy. Then I would sue Tony Blair for throwing his hat in with Bush. Then, because I'd be totally broke and out of a job, I'd go start a commune and be that farmer I mentioned above.

(Crap, I have to think of three more of these? Doesn't anyone realize that I'm not funny, so these are just way too serious for me?)

If I could be a professor... - again this is not a question. This is what I'm going to be. I already know where I'm headed with my dissertation.

If I could be a psychologist... I would crack Bush's nut and then send him to a mental institution, 'cause that's where he belongs.

Okay, I'm finished. If anyone cares to comment, just remember that I just spent my hard-earned time to myself (the kid has his first cold) typing out what I would be instead of being what I am. And I'm a little bitter right now.

Still Swingin'

2005-04-27T12:40:00.000-04:00

Okay, not like that you sickos. (he he he)

Things just keep going well for me. Sweetie got to come home early yesterday and spend the afternoon with the baby and I. Of course, he came home for ill health reasons, so not great for him, but you take what you can get, right? My mom decided to take a new job in another state that she was worried about. Now she's excited, and its only for six months if she doesn't like it, so easy out if needed. My bestest took off to Hawaii w/Hubby and nephew for three weeks (yay for them!), and I get to drive her kick-ass car while she's gone.

Sadly, father-in-law has yet to respond to my overture. I re-emailed him (I know its sort of tacky to do these things via electronica, but hey...) the oringinal email to make sure he got it, and to make the point that I'd like an ACTUAL response. So we'll see. This rocky relationship has helped me turn an inner eye on my own attitudes about family. For instance, when I was a kid we only saw our grandparents twice a year - a week each during summer, and at Christmas. I always wanted to spend more time with them, until I actually got there, then I couldn't wait to get home. They didn't really know us very well, and they didn't care to. Funny thing is, I'm finding that my parents are the same way. Well, Mom has been an exception lately, but that's because six months ago I finally stuck my neck out and opened a truthful dialog with her. While I really don't want to be that kind of parent, I have no desire to have a close relationship with hubby's parents, which means that I really don't feel like seeing them more than once every three months or so. I suppose, though, for the sake of hubby we should see them more while we live here, as its a short-term deal.

In other news, we got to watch two more episodes of the new Dr. Who, and its going smashingly. The show is very well put together, and its funny. Now if only someone would get smart and run it in the states.

On The Upswing

2005-04-25T15:43:00.000-04:00

I think something really positive must be in the air in my house because all these really fabulous things keep happening.

First, my visit with my mother this weekend was great. Even to the point where when we would've been getting on each other's nerves, we talked about it healthily instead of sniping. She just left, and I really didn't want her to, but I was looking forward to the next visit (instead of looking forward to having the house to myself again).

Then, I sent out the latest baby update with pictures, and I got a reply from hubby's dad, who I don't really get along with. His odd veneer cracked a little and he actually expressed his desire to spend time with his grandson instead ass-uming they were welcome to just show up and be in our faces. I finally (after almost a year of tension) broke the silence and in a kind but forthright manner told him that we need to talk. That was a huge step for me as I normally just ignore someone I don't like until they go away or I get enough distance to start liking them again.

Then, I got a call from Vancouver Film School for my sweetie, and the person I talked to was totally nice, comes from the same place I do, and was willing to answer my questions in addition to talking to hubby. Of course, I hope I'm not being too pushy about the whole thing, but if you guys knew my sweetie, you'd know how completely he needs to be doing what JM Strasinsky of Babylon 5, and Joss Whedon of Buffy, Firefly and Angel do. He's that good, I swear, and it would make him so much happier than this tech support to evil BS.

And finally, Jodie posted a link to my blog. Its a small thing, but it makes me feel special to get a link on someone else's personal page.

This day just keeps getting better and better. Now I should get off the comp and start making birthday cake for my best bud!

Cheers!

Linguistics Profile

2005-04-24T22:35:00.000-04:00

This is fascinating:

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

15% Yankee

10% Upper Midwestern

5% Dixie

5% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

I found this link through another blogger, Emily.

I wouldn't mind hearing about how other people do on this one. Or any of the other funny little tests the site has. Like my Irish name: Maura McLoughlin. Huh? And I'm dying to see who actually cruises through here besides the 'verse, especially considering I'm an unreliable, random poster w/o a consistent subject thread.

More Reasons to Move

2005-04-24T20:41:00.000-04:00

We have this psycho freaky neighbor. This is what I know so far:
- he drinks A LOT with a couple that lives across the street
- his wife has shown up with very suspiscious bruises
- he's thrown down and throttled one of our other neighbors
- he isn't allowed to see his first wife and their two kids
- his yard is an over-the-top anal-retentive park (he mows after 3/4 inches of growth)

We came home from a nice night out w/my mother, who is visiting from the west coast, and as we're getting out of the car we hear the freaky neighbor yelling drunkenly from across the street about how "that's what's wrong with this neighborhood and I'm f-ing sick of it". Who knows if he was doing it for our benefit because we are one of the few houses without a really nice yard. Or maybe he was just yelling drunkenly for the sake of it. I know I'm jumping to conclusions about his outburst, but he really freaks me out because of his tendency toward violence.

My ultimate wish would be for this arsehole to move. I feel for his second wife, but she picked the bugger. He reminds of someone who has such huge control issues that he takes his insecurity out on other people. I don't trust him, and I don't want him near my kid. It's people like him that make me wonder if I'm really safe staying home with my baby. I think these intense feelings will mellow after I sleep on them. But crap, who wants to feel like this at all?

Baby, oh Baby!

2005-04-20T10:08:00.000-04:00

My best bud just got home from visiting her mother for three weeks. Her son, my nephew, is my "first" baby as I lived with them for the first three months of his life. We have a very strong bond, which I am very thankful for. So needless to say, I missed the little bubba like mad (and her too, though we've lived on different continents before, so we're used to it). Our babies are in that space were things change daily, so if we don't see each other for a week or so, there's lots of things to catch up on. At three weeks, the changes seem immense. So I missed my nephew's first steps this time, and his first birthday. His father (military) and his Nona (west coast) would remind me that I don't have a corner on this market at all. But still, my heart aches to see how much he's grown!

He's cruisin' around, waving his little arms around as he walks, exploring everything and anything. He doesn't really want to be picked up anymore (boo hoo!). But yesterday, my son was in his backpack on the floor, and my nephew walked up to him and they checked each other out for a good couple minutes. They're only nine months apart, like my best friend and I, so we're hoping that they'll be good pals. Our boys are bigger than most, 97th percentile all the way. So Nephew is wearing 24 month clothes, and Son is wearing 12 month clothes. Nephew definitely doesn't look only a year old. He knows about five signs (that baby signing stuff really, ACTUALLY works!) like momma's milk, all done, dog, no, hello & goodbye.

Nephew signs doggie for the cat, Mister. And for my son. Sometimes for Nona too. We think he just really likes the dogs, so anything that gives him warm fuzzies is "doggie".

(As is apparent finally, I don't have a writing skill today.)

Hubby and I have been seriously batting around moving the h-e-double hockey sticks out of North Carolina. I look outside and I think I'd miss the weather here. And all the flowering trees. I want to live near a REAL city again. Atlanta wouldn't kill me. But Hubby and I both want to be back in the Pacific NW. Portland, or Vancouver, BC. Then, of course, we wouldn't be living near Best Friend and Nephew anymore. So there are a few flies in this ointment, bien sur.

Fleeting Thoughts

2005-04-15T15:58:00.000-04:00

I just laid down with the baby to take a nap because we've been up since 6:30am. But as per usual, I can't sleep during the day unless I'm dead tired. Which I thought I was, but apparently I'm tired physically, not mentally. So when I lay down, my mind jumps from one subject to the next at a breakneck pace, and I have no peace. This has always been a problem for me, except when I was attending University and working (both full-time). As of yet, I haven't found a good solution that allows me to either fully explore a thought or get some sleep instead. Suggestions are always welcome.

Here's some of what I mentally skimmed:

- The baby is teething. At least I think he is, since he's only three months old. He loves to chew on things, including mommy. He's way grumpier than normal, especially at night. He's not sleeping very well, he actually turns down boobie juice (unprecedented!), and he cries in his sleep for no reason. Now I suppose he could be having some serious cognitive development going on, but that doesn't explain the chewing, which includes an affinity for ice cubes and boobie juice popsicles. So, God, please let him break these teeth soon, 'cause I'm losing ground mentally as we lose more and more sleep.

- The baby laughed for the first time today!!!! A couple little hiccups, but still beautiful, wonderful, joyous laughter. I can't wait for Daddy to see! Oh how I love this child!

- I took the baby for a walk and ran into a girl with one of our neighbor's children. He's autistic, and she called herself his personal assistant. I thought that was terribly sweet, because he'll probably always need someone like that in his life, and to be there to help him instead of look after him touches my heart. Of course, I start thinking about the vaccine issue because of this meeting, and the thousands of children that are part of the 300% rise in children affected by autism spectrum disorders since the '70's.

- Of course I keep thinking about the vaccine issue. My baby is getting his first shots in a few weeks, and I'm trying to mentally come to terms with my decision. I am nervous about how he'll react (I'm hoping he won't really notice), but I'm also questioning whether I've made the right decision to vaccinate him this early. I was considering waiting until he is six months old, but I think four is okay. I'm trying to place my faith in the Universe to take care of us and get us through this risky but necessary event.

- And then I bounce back to those women, that reacted so vilely to my comment. I've been surfing a lot of blogs lately, and as of yet I haven't found any group as exclusive or as cliqueish. It seems they only read each other's blogs, and they all identify themselves by their reproductive status. Is that all we are, baby-machines? I will never understand their pain, so it isn't fair for me to judge or even try to sympathize, but I can't stop considering their caustic comments and self-deprecating blogs.

- I spend a fleeting moment thinking about the social contract mentioned by "anonymous" (baby-machine blogger with a fear of identification?) in a comment on my blog. I don't buy it, but I think that with our global community and the speed that diseases can travel the globe, the whole thing might be moot until we have a world government. France and Japan, to name two "First World" countries, have very different (than American) policies about how their children are vaccinated. So do they violate the idea of a social contract? I wish I knew more about epidimiology and could comment more knowledgeably.

- A good friend of my husband's just bought us a TV for a wedding present, and so then I start thinking about them, and visiting them, and just generally visiting the Northwest. Then I get back to the idea of moving back to the NW ('cause, to be honest, I REALLY hate the South). I'm glad the option is open, and I'm sure we'll know when the time is right. But in the meantime, I have this huge house that I could make my own by planting things and getting the yard spruced up. Or I could just bide my time and reserve our resources for other projects, thereby living in the house as if it were only temporary. It feels empty that way, but with the moving carrot in front of me, I can't get comfortable and I can't commit myself emotionally.

And that is about all I can remember. I thought about the other blogs I've been reading, and about my sweetie (in ways that aren't fit for public consumption), and about how I really want us to get a second car. I also perused old thoughts like how bitter I am toward my in-laws for their behavior since we told them we were having a baby (before we tied the knot, but after the engagement), and how I really want to get the computer room set up so we can arrange the server and all my craft crap on desks. Random, silly stuff.

Thank god its Friday, because then I won't have to keep myself busy while my hubby is away at work all day. Weekends are my favorite, because three just makes more sense than two.